Trump Announces the Creation of the “Air Force Greater Than One”

WASHINGTON, DC – Upon returning on Monday from Helsinki after a quick weekend getaway with his Russian counterpart, President Trump tweeted the statement: “As of today, I will no longer be using Air Force One. I’ve realized that I simply cannot share the same plane as my predecessors, since I am superior. The Trump Organization and US Government will instead be teaming up to create ‘Air Force Greater Than One.’”

Due to the strange timing of Trump’s tweet, speculation has begun to surface across Twitter and other news media that the tête-à-tête in Helsinki triggered the president’s desire to reinforce his supremacy with the Air Force Greater Than One.

Since Monday, President Trump has distanced himself from the Russian president, saying repeatedly that he has never spoken to Mr. Putin. 

“I have never met Vladimir Putin,” Mr. Trump said. But according to people familiar with the relationship, President Putin has visited the Oval Office several times and is said to have “easy chemistry” with the US President. 

Coordinated with the announcement of Air Force Greater Than One, the Trump Organization has further divulged that they will be franchising hair and tanning salons, called “Hair Force One,” at all Trump Hotels & Resorts. First Daughter Ivanka Trump is the self-described genius behind the concept, using the president’s hairdo and orange skin tone as the primary images in marketing materials. 

The looks offered by the new salons will be limited to those made famous by Mr. Trump, such as the “Troll Doll,” “Cheeto,” and “Inverse Raccoon.” Both the salons and the plane are expected to have gold-plated toilets, quadruple-ply toilet paper and mirrored walls.

white tissue toilet paper roll

President Trump plans to debut Air Force Greater Than One “in all its glory” on the way to one of his MAGA rallies in Okay, Oklahoma. He wants to fulfill his promise to “make America great again” by changing the small town’s name to Great, Oklahoma.

America’s so-called “greatest-ever” Republican president also recently shared via Snapchat that he’s in the midst of writing a new Gettysburg Address to commemorate the plane’s inception, and “it’s much better than Lincoln’s.”

donald trump speaking at a rally

Trump released his opening statement this morning:

“[What seems like] twelve wives and seventy porn stars ago, I made a promise to create, on this continent, the most amazing new nation, conceived in bigotry, and dedicated to the proposition that all rich white men are created equal. Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether I, or anyone so intelligent, and so handsome, can long endure. It’s huge. Really, nobody has ever seen such tremendous backlash, and they said it couldn’t be done. But I did it. Me. Not Hillary Clinton. Me. I did it. Not her. Me. I mean, have you seen her plane? It's not nearly as great as mine. Her plane isn't great. Mine is. Not hers. Mine.”

With many unanswered questions and increasing publicity around the upcoming speech, economists hope that the president will find it in himself to speak to government spending. Despite Trump’s promise for conservative fiscal practices, Air Force Greater Than One is estimated to cost more than $80 million.