Having recently finished reading The Midnight Library by Matt Haig, an abundance of “what ifs” filled my mind. This book follows Nora, a 20-something year old woman living in midland-England, who after a near-death experience is transported to the Midnight Library, a library in which every shelf is filled with books, with each detailing an alternate version of her life.
The book’s sentiment echoes the much-adored fig tree passage found in Sylvia Plath’s The Bell Jar. The quotation beautifully encapsulates the feeling of wanting to do it all, and simultaneously feeling so overwhelmed that you do nothing:
“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked… I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest.”
The imagination of alternative worlds dependent on the differing outcomes of decisions we’ve made is formally known as counter-factual thinking. While being enthralled by mental constructions of an alternative world might be counterproductive, counter-factual thinking has also been shown to help us see our destiny more clearly. When reflecting on decisions and their outcomes, we often create a narrative that gives our independent decisions a clear sense of purpose. From a perspective of gratitude, it can be pleasant to conceptualize all the moments that have led you to who and where you are. Perhaps just as easily though, we wonder about all of the “what ifs.”
Some of the most relatable instances of counter-factual thinking are the conversations we relive in our heads long after their conclusion, envisioning all their different paths, thinking “if only I’d said that.” Like coming up with the perfect rebuttal six months too late, or obsessing over a perfect (albeit fictional) version of someone, counterfactual thinking can be a cathartic practice.
Beyond being a fun imagination exercise, I think counterfactual thinking emphasizes the power that lies in humans’ ability to create the life they desire. Some tell us, “You’re young, go for it,” echoing a “try fast, fail fast” mantra, yet choice fatigue can quickly become overwhelming.
While it’s all too easy to sit at the foot of the fig tree, simply admiring and envisioning, it’s another thing to take action. Fortunately, we’re afforded opportunities to navigate our own lives, to follow a branch and pluck a fig. After all, a decision of inaction is still a decision, so why not reach up and grab a fig. It may turn out to be sour, but choosing one doesn’t have to mean losing them all.