I turned twenty on Saturday, September 24th. In my opinion, twenty is a weird age to turn.
At eighteen, you’re finally an adult and can vote, and at twenty-one, you can drink. But at twenty, you’re simply left with a tombstone for your teens. No benefits. You only get to say that you’re “in your twenties,” which leads people to think that by this time, you should have your life together. Spoiler alert: I don’t have my life together. That’s precisely why entering my twenties scared me from outside perspective.
But with age comes maturity (hopefully), so this year I have decided that besides the Sephora shopping spree I’m taking myself on, I’m also giving myself another birthday gift. It’s one that doesn’t cost a cent but is worth so much more — patience. This is a virtue that I’ve never had.
In fact, I’m sure many people could describe me as impatient. I mean, I hate waiting even a week for new episodes of Only Murders in the Building to come out. But this year, I have decided to give myself patience.
Life is hard, and what makes it harder is that everyone around you is going through their own struggles and fighting their own internal battles alongside you. And while oftentimes I’m understanding of others’ battles and am patient with them, I don’t lend that same courtesy to myself.
I beat myself up about things out of my control, and I question myself and my judgment, even when I know that I’m thinking clearly. Just recently, I was upset at myself for failing a quiz I was taking while vomiting. If my friend had told me this happened to them, I would have applauded them for even studying for and taking that quiz while they were that sick.
This contrast indicates a lack of patience and understanding for myself, and a pattern of always thinking I can do more and better.
It’s an unfair and frankly unhelpful habit to have, and it’s something I’m determined to say goodbye to, along with the years of my youth. Just kidding! Twenty is not that old, but in life, dramatics are important, so they must be preserved (especially in writing).
My favorite thing about this gift of patience is that there’s so much more to it. It’s like unwrapping a present with many smaller presents inside. With patience comes compassion and understanding. It also gives you the permission to listen to yourself and trust gut, because patience allows you to rid yourself of your doubts.
Patience ensures that you’re always there for yourself, like you are for others. So, even though I’m saying goodbye to my teenage dream this year, I know my twenties will be just as bright and beautiful (and probably a lot less awkward) because of this special birthday gift. And no matter the age, I encourage you to give yourself the same grace, with the gift of patience. If nothing else, it’ll ensure you age gracefully!