My boyfriend and I have been doing long-distance longer than we’ve dated in person. Though we could’ve let a 3000-mile plane flight put an expiration date on our relationship, we decided it was worth a try. Going from living in a small town where a hug was just two minutes away, to breaking the bank just to say Happy Valentine’s Day in person, is not for the faint of heart.
That and the fact that you’ll probably be told at least a couple of times by the inevitable skeptics that long distance never works. While living on opposite coasts definitely isn’t easy, we’ve found that there are some tried and true ways to make the distance feel just a little bit smaller.
1. Nightly facetime recaps
With pandemic travel restrictions last summer, I found myself spending most days with my boyfriend. I’ll be honest, this made the initial transition to long-distance a challenge. We both fell into the trap of wanting to text each other every time something funny, sad, or exciting happened, which we soon realized wasn’t the best approach.
The pressure to be constantly reachable by text makes it much more difficult to enjoy the moment independently. We found that saving the story-worthy details for a long facetime call at night made it much easier to balance living our own lives and keeping each other in the loop.
2. Planning dates and following through
It’s not easy to plan dates that can work from across the country. It’s even harder to say no to plans with friends to make the planned virtual dates happen. It can be tempting to push back the virtual date or even postpone in order to attend other, in-person plans.
One of the most important things we’ve learned doing long-distance is the importance of not just fitting each other into our social schedules, but carving out time for each other, and sticking to it. We’ve found that adapting things we did in person (like our classic chipotle date/movie nights) to their virtual alternatives works well.
3. Study dates
With our busy schedules and a 3 hour time difference, sometimes elaborate date plans just aren’t possible. We still want to spend time together, which makes study dates all the more meaningful. It’s as simple as studying with each other on facetime. Study dates are an easy option for a particularly busy day where we would be doing homework regardless.
4. Talk not Text
With long distance making virtual communication the only option, it’s easy for miscommunications to happen. Voice memos and videos are a) quicker and more effective for getting a message across, and b) more personal than text.
5. Grow independently
There’s most likely a big gap in your schedule where you would’ve spent time together in person. This can be a good or bad thing, depending on how you see it. Filling this free time with friends, new hobbies, and adventures will help make you feel a little less lonely and give you more to talk about during facetime updates.
I sometimes see long distance as a good thing. I’ve learned more about myself and continue to grow as an individual.
I think of long-distance as one of the best indicators of a committed and stable relationship, and one of the best preventers of a codependent one. If you can maintain a healthy relationship from 3000 miles away, it will be stronger long term once the distance is over. Long-distance can give you will have a better understanding of yourself outside of your relationship.
6. Look forward to something
One of the biggest pieces of advice I heard when I began long distance– that I now feel confident passing on– is to know when you will see each other next. It makes the goodbyes feel less permanent and earth-shattering. It sounds cliche, but if I know the next time I’ll see him, it feels more like a “see ya later” than anything else.