Singleness is a gift. At least that’s what my friend told me, and it’s something I’m still trying to understand. However, I will admit that it is difficult to believe when I’ve never been in any type of committed relationship in my 22 years of living.
I’ve had my fair share of guys showing interest, but I have never managed to escape the petrifying talking stage — that days-long, weeks-long, sometimes months-long stage of complete vulnerability, of giving a part of myself to someone else only for them to change their mind later on.
Singleness felt like a curse. After a while of repeatedly getting ghosted, it got frustrating not knowing why nobody wanted to commit to me. It consumed me and made me believe that the reason why no one wanted to commit was that there was something about me not worth committing to.
The ability to give so much of yourself to anyone you let into your life is a gift within itself, but in doing that, one should proceed with caution. I’ve learned that not everyone I meet is deserving of knowing who I am, and I’ve learned that some people just aren’t meant to be a part of my life, and that’s okay. That’s not to say I regret who I’ve let in because I don’t, I just wish I didn’t let someone else’s action (or lack of action) allow me to question my self-worth.
I’m a girl that loves closure, so you can only imagine the chaos that went through my mind every time a guy I was talking to suddenly stopped talking to me, especially when I thought things were going well.
It hurts to have someone leave you hanging with no explanation as to why. However, people will come and go and those meant to stay will stay. Just like friendships, I’m learning that the right people will always find a way to come into my life, and when they do, their intentions will be so clear.
The right people will not make me question their role in my life — they will not leave me with feelings of uncertainty. But in the meantime, there is no deadline to heal or feel better, because learning to embrace no closure is a journey in itself.