Our society undeniably places a great deal of significance on the idea of “firsts.” Even from infancy, this is apparent in the celebration of first steps, of a first word. Firsts are milestones. They’re socially and emotionally significant, usually remembered in much more detail than the similar instances that follow them.
When it comes to romance, firsts are an especially juicy topic of conversation. Often — as they are portrayed in media — they entail a wholesome, potentially humorously awkward moment, usually experienced in youth. Whether it’s a first kiss, a first date, or a first time, firsts are often the focus of teen dramas, and worked up to be ultra-climactic, life-defining instances. Â
But from what I’ve seen (and experienced), the lived reality of firsts varies so much from person to person, and they often aren’t given as much importance by the average person as movie directors and teen romance authors would like to believe. The value of a first is entirely based on the perception of the person experiencing it, not on this media-induced idea of universal, standardized importance.Â
Because of this dramatized cinematic portrayal, firsts are also often quite anticlimactic, and in the grand scheme of things, not as meaningful as the repeated instances that follow. For instance, a first date, while likely novel and highly anticipated, offers less opportunity to build meaningful connection than a third or fourth date. “Lasts” are the real representations of ideal romance; the starting point matters less than the final destination.Â
The commercialization of firsts in media not only results in inaccurate representations, but can also create intense pressure and anxiety surrounding these moments, especially against a backdrop of peer pressure and gossip culture. The perceived need for perfection and the fear of inevitable awkwardness can make firsts seem daunting instead of exciting.Â
Because of this, many people, including my close friend, have resorted to the idea of “getting firsts out of the way.” Kissing a nameless stranger at a frat party feels far less intimidating than finding the perfect person and having the perfect kiss in a perfect place at the perfect time. The elusive “optimal romantic timeline” created by both the media and social expectations can also pressure people into “knocking out” firsts to avoid feeling behind, judged, or generally inexperienced.Â
But at the end of the day, the only person who should be stamping values onto your memories is yourself. Whether you want a first to be picture-perfect or simply checked off your bucket list should be determined entirely independent of social pressures and comparisons. The magic of a romantic milestone isn’t determined by how closely it mimics a movie script, but by how authentically it belongs to you and you alone.Â