Every year on my birthday, I order a cake for my mom and my grandma. Maybe it’s a bit uncommon, but it made perfect sense for me. My birthday isn’t only about the day I was born, It’s also the day my mom endured pain for hours to bring me to this world and my grandma stood beside worrying and praying for us through that moment. Before I celebrated my birthdays, they were celebrating the fact that I had taken my first breath. Ever since I was old enough to understand that, I felt that my birthday belongs to them as much as it belongs to me.
As I grew older, birthdays became less about presents or parties and more about gratitude. Every candle I blow out reminds me that another year of my life exists because of the sacrifices they made. A cake can never truly repay everything they have done for me, but it has become my small tradition of saying thank you.
This birthday, I had a dream that stayed with me long after I woke up. In the dream, I was talking to my grandma and I asked her, “Are you going to cry when you die?”
She answered, “No.”
Then I asked, “Are you going to cry when you know I cry after you?”
She replied, “Always.”
It was such a short conversation, yet it felt incredibly heavy. I woke up with tears in my eyes. I keep replaying those few words in my head. I don’t think the dream was really about death. Oh God, hopefully it wasn’t. Instead, it felt like my mind was confronting one of the fears I rarely allow myself to think about, which is the possibility that one day the people who have loved me my entire life won’t always be here.
For years, I never really questioned why I sent them cakes. It was simply something I did because it felt right. But after waking up from that dream, I realized my tradition wasn’t just about saying thank you for giving me life. It was also about celebrating the people I still have the privilege of celebrating with. The dream reminded me that one day I won’t be able to hand them a cake or hear them wish me a happy birthday. That thought made this tradition feel more meaningful than ever for me.
Maybe that’s why birthdays have started to mean something different to me. They are no longer just a reminder that O’m getting older. They also reminder that the people who have been by my side are growing older too. I can’t stop time, and I can’t change the fact that one day things will be different. What I can do is make sure they know how much they mean to me while still have the chance.
I don’t know whether dreams carry messages or simply reflect our thoughts and fears. What I do know is that this dream made me appreciate my family even more. If sending my mom and grandma a cake every birthday is my way of saying “thank you,” then maybe this dream is a reminder not to wait for a special occasion to tell them how much I love them. After all, my birthdays were only possible because of them, and that’s something worth celebrating every year.