Arguably the most controversial amount of friends to have in a group, trios are often seen as toxic, a dynamic that could never work. The main case made against trios is that two people will inevitably always be closer to each other than to the third friend, especially if two have known each other for longer or have more things in common. As someone who’s been going steady in a trio for the past four years (and counting), I think these arguments are true to an extent, but I also think that trio friend groups have a certain sparkle to them that can’t be replicated elsewhere.Â
Something I’ve learned about keeping a healthy dynamic in a trio is that it’s important to be secure in your friendship with each person individually. If there’s some secret animosity or unspoken tension, things are never going to work out. This is easier said than done, but I think spending one-on-one time with each other is necessary, just like in any other friend group. Initially, I sometimes struggled with feeling like I was closer to one friend than the other or that they were closer to each other and I was the odd one out. The reality is that some days or even weeks, you might feel closer with one friend. This isn’t necessarily a negative thing, I think it’s a hurdle that has to be overcome in order to reach the other side.Â
High school harbored an especially toxic environment that made it hard to be in harmony with one another, or maybe my friends and I were just angsty girls in our early teens and arguments were bound to happen. But after four years of being at the same school and then the great separation that was college, I feel closer to my two best friends than ever before. High school made us fight over petty and insignificant issues, but being away made me realize how connected my friends and I truly are.Â
Instead of feeling closer to one over the other, I feel incomplete if I’m not with my friends. Having one best friend or a bigger friend group is special in its own way, but there is something majestic about having three shared brains, linking arms and walking down the street with the two people that know you best, and always having a tiebreaker whenever there is a disagreement. So, if you’re currently struggling in a trio or thinking it may not work out, think of how you’d feel not without them individually, but without them together. I wouldn’t have it any other way!