When I was ten years old, my dad told me that I was going to have a sister. Then, when I was seventeen, my mom told me that I was going to have a brother. On both occasions, I felt anxious. “What now?” I thought, “How will I be a good sister to both of them?”
Until recently, I thought my role as a sister was to set the perfect example. This unrealistic idea was very complicated for me with my sister, since she lives in another country. And with my brother, the seventeen-year age gap felt unbridgeable at times. A lot of times, I asked myself, “Am I being perfect enough?” Now, I think I have a new perspective and idea of my role as an older sister.
After five years of living with my little brother, we were separated when I left for college. On our video calls, he always talks about the good things he’s going to do “to go to UC Berkeley like ‘Tomana.’” After spending a day with my sister in person for the first time in five years, she told me that she was going to work hard to get into a university like mine. Receiving similar comments from the two of them made me think: “Maybe it’s not about being perfect, but about inspiring them.”
Looking back, every time I spoke to my sister, our conversations revolved a lot around art. We would talk about a drawing that I posted on my art page, a new technique that I used, her desire to draw, how she started drawing, etc. Three years ago, I gifted her a set of watercolor markers. Today, she told me that she still has them and uses them.
During our calls, my little brother tells me how he sits with my mother every day after school to do his homework in the same seat I would use when working on my college assignments. He also tells me about finding new documentaries about marine animals and dinosaurs—an interest that took root a year ago when we watched a dolphin documentary together.
They don’t talk about how perfect I was, how noisy or quiet I was while talking on the phone, and not even how organized or disorganized I was while living with them. None of that is important. What matters to them are their passions and the way I’ve inspired them to pursue and develop them. They don’t find me perfect, because nobody is. More importantly, they see me as someone who guides and supports them in their own endeavors. That is my role as an older sister: accompanying, guiding and supporting them every step of the way.