Olivia Rodrigo was probably right. Love’s embarrassing, although perhaps even more embarrassing, is pedestaling another person because of what you think your relationship status says about you and signals to others.
Catching up with a friend last week, I revealed that I’d seen a mutual friend of ours in passing with her boyfriend, whom I’d yet to see in person (I fear he looked no better than the photos). Pretty judgmentally of me, I posed the question: “Why are they together, she’s literally gorgeous and well he’s um…” I let this remark hang in the air for a moment, but my witty friend responded, “And you haven’t even seen him when he tries to grow a mustache.” We shared a quiet laugh.
‘Now, I recognize how unfounded, or even rude, my musings on another’s relationship are, but they allude to a broader trend: the “Is having a boyfriend embarrassing” phenomenon if you will. This internet debate spurred following Chanté Joseph’s October 2025 Vogue article of the same title, which considers the decline in women sharing their relationships online. She attributes this decline to a magnitude of factors, citing a fear of future embarrassment and negative perception in an era of single empowerment.
While this may be the approach that’s captured the zeitgeist, in certain circles (and specifically the stultified group of my ex-all girls Catholic school acquaintances), having a boyfriend seems to be perceived as some status symbol, regardless of who that individual is. Unfortunately, historical laws and patriarchal norms meant women’s economic, legal and social status hinged on their male partner. Yet, while such explicit implications generally no longer govern Western societal norms, it’s a depressing observation that some find themselves beholden to their relationship status as an indicator or reflection of their individual worth.
Obviously, this comes with the who am I to judge caveat, but on the surface, I struggle to understand what these girls see in such (on average) average guys. What they think brings them status, in reality, alienates them from their friends. Commenting on this particular acquaintance, my friend remarked, “She’s not a girl with a boyfriend, she’s a girlfriend.” It’s this alienation from female friendships and an overemphasis on the perceived status their relationship brings them that subsequently causes them to pedestal this person, with whom their sense-of self (or rather, how they believe they’re perceived by others) is so entangled.
I don’t think it’s the individual they like, but rather what they perceive as the status bestowed on them by virtue of their relationship status. In their perception of the world they confine themselves to the character of “girlfriend,” making someone else (literally anybody) the holder of the “boyfriend” card. Do they actually love this specific person, or do they love the idea of having a boyfriend?
Maybe it’s love, who am I to judge? Perhaps more likely though, he’s just “some weird second string loser who’s not worth mentioning.”