In my first year of university, I remember being unfamiliar with the feeling of homesickness. It was strange, given that at the time most of my peers were experiencing their most intense bouts of homesickness with the transition from high school to college. While it was my first year fully living outside of the comfort of my family home, my tumultuous relationship with the place and the people I associated with it almost pushed me to find a sense of solace in the fresh start Vancouver provided.
That changed in my second year of university. My home, Portland, Oregon, became less so a place of fear, as my first year of university allowed me the distance to heal my relationship with my concept of home and the relationship I had with it. The space made me view home, it and its people, with more objectivity. I connected more with myself, allowing me to create a new concept of what I call home and how I evolved to grow into myself dependent on the places I have called home.
Locations dictate mentality a lot of the time for me, on both a small and large scale. Returning home in 2022, I connected with my middle school and high school self, my friends, and my parents, all of who formed my identity in Portland, a sense of nostalgia was born out for the person I was and the comfort of familiarity. I realized missed the comfort of home-cooked meals, my family’s presence, and memories of joy in my youth and adolescence. While I sometimes feel as though I should have remained numb to my attitude toward home, as the feeling of homesickness is not the most pleasant. I’ve come to realize recently that acceptance is one of the first steps toward healing. My homesickness made me realize that I might not be as cold and avoidant toward home– the progress I’d made over the last year was showing through in ways I never expected
Unfamiliarity, however, is not negative. Rather, as I grow into new versions of myself, reconnecting with my past is something I believe will help me enjoy my present more, and find fulfillment in.