So, there’s a lot of opinions out there about when you should get married, when it’s right and acceptable to think your relationship is “the one,” and the general opinion now-a-days seems to be that getting married young is the worst mistake you can make.
While that may be true for some, as someone who got married young, I can say that I’m really glad that I married my guy when I did.
At 22 years old, most people can agree that you’re still considered “a baby” and that getting married is not really the best option. It would be better to wait until after you finish grad school, or until you’re closer to thirty, or until you have more life experience, etc. etc. But after being married for two years (yeah, yeah, I know I’m still young but hey I’m almost halfway to 30 now), with the same guy for close to a decade, and making the unpopular decision at 22 that we were ready to get married, I can say that I am very glad that we did it when we did. My husband and I have our issues, and we have struggled together over the past couple years, but it’s been a journey that I’m glad we started when we did.
We made the decision to get married after being together for close to 5 years. While not officially “living together,” anyone that has been in a long term relationship knows that by that point, you’re pretty much co-habitating anyway, even if you are both paying separate rent on apartments. We got our first real jobs after high school while dating, enjoyed college life (although in separate towns), and I graduated with my first college degree while dating. After my graduation, we started talking about getting married, despite the opposition of some of our extended family and friends. Our intimate family (and friends) knew us well enough to know that we had not only been together forever, but we had struggled and had major fights. With a rocky start to our dating relationship where we broke up repeatedly (and quite dysfunctionally) to growing into a stable relationship where we could have serious arguments and struggles while staying together, we had already grown up so much (both together and apart), that those who knew us best knew that this wasn’t something we were taking on lightly.
That first year of marriage was really hard. But we conquered some pretty serious things all at the same time: moving away from both of our parents (to a different state), starting a new college program (aka, nursing school, aka, hell), and having to figure out what it means to be married all in the scope of less than a year. There were some serious fights and it was tough, but I never doubted that we could do it. We had conquered some pretty shitty situations before, with the death of loved ones, some poor decisions made (usually on the part of my husband, LOL, j/k kinda), and just other regular relationship struggles. The reason most people don’t think you should get married young is that over the course of your twenties, most people go through the different stages of growing up, and if you and your SO don’t grow up in the same direction, you will grow apart; this can lead to some serious problems in your marriage, if you aren’t prepared for it. But after watching my guy go from being one of the most irresponsible, lazy, and unmotivated individuals that I had ever met (yeah mom, you were totally right) to being one of the best guys (including responsible, motivated, hard working, and freakishly intelligent) that I have ever known, all the while being my best friend and the only person that I can simultaneously hate and love at the same time, I know that as we grow and change, we will continue to grow and change together. When you marry your best friend, it really doesn’t matter how old you are or what stage you are in life, it’ll work out. And I’m looking forward to getting to see every stage of development from here on out for my guy, and to be part of his story every step of the way. We get to experience all of these major life moments together, and that in itself is an awesome experience that most couples don’t get to have. I’ll see him graduate both high school, college, and grad school, I got to see him get his horizontal license (whoop, whoop) and be able to legally drink, and I’ll get to see him become a dad and a Doctor and whatever else he decides to be when he grows up. If he grows up. And I’ll get to hold his hand through the struggles of those life events that won’t be so fun: like losing his grandparents. But I’m just thankful that I’ll get to be at his side for those things.
My advice to any couple, young or old, is to stay laughing together. Be willing to give each other the benefit of the doubt. As you grow up (and you’ll have moments where it feels like you don’t really know each other anymore) take the time to get to know each other again. Life and happiness are both journeys, not destinations. Enjoy all the moments.
Oh, and to my guy: I’m glad you talked me into getting married when we were barely legal. I can’t wait to see what the future holds for us now. You’re my best friend, and I love you.