I didn’t really start dating until college, but since then, I’ve gotten my fair share of experience with two relationships, lots of flirtationships, and a couple of first dates that never led to a second. I’ve had a lot of fun and some major disappointment, but overall, I have learned so much from my experiences. I have a better idea of what I want and definitely don’t want from a partner. I’ve learned what I need to work on too! Here are a few key lessons I’ve learned from dating:
1. Relationships should be way more fun than struggle.
No relationship is going to be all good all of the time, but I don’t believe we should take dating too seriously in college. My very first relationship was my freshman year, and the honeymoon phase only lasted about a month. After that, we were always having problems and “working on our relationship.” Pretty soon, it seemed like we were trying to work things out a lot more than we were simply enjoying our time with each other. When things go south so quickly that’s usually a bad sign. That relationship was doomed for failure, but for some reason, we held on to it for five months. Unless you’re serious about being together for a very long time, it’s probably best to stop working on a relationship with a bunch of problems and just move on.
2. Don’t allow people to treat you in ways you don’t deserve
I think we’ve all been there. Someone leaves us on delivered for hours and randomly decides when to grace us with their presence. They make us wait until they’re done with their friends to hang out, or they never want to take us out on actual dates. It’s natural to start to feel desperate and try to think of ways that you can win them over. But It’s best to face the reality that they’re not going to change their ways, and you deserve better than that! You shouldn’t have to work so hard to keep someone’s attention. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t deal with that kind of treatment anymore, and I’ve stuck with it. It’s not easy, especially if you really like the person, but there is some satisfaction in standing up for yourself and breaking things off.
3. Just because someone is great doesn’t mean they’re the one for you
This is one of the hardest situations to be in. I dated someone for 8 months, and he treated me far better than anyone had in the past. He was kind and had so many great qualities about him. Even though I cared about him very much, I knew deep down that we were not right for each other in the long run. Breaking off that relationship was so difficult, but I knew it was the right thing to do. I have found that in tough situations in my relationships, there is usually a part of me that knows exactly what to do, even though its not the easiest route. Do yourself a favor and listen to that voice.
4. Respect and honesty are key
I know its tempting to just ghost someone when you aren’t feeling it anymore, but I would challenge you to just be honest. In some cases, ghosting is okay — like if you never met up in person. I know how it feels to be ghosted though, so I try to never do it to other people. Take the high road! Also, always be honest about your intentions with whoever you are talking to or dating. Have a straightforward conversation with them about what you want, even though it will likely be tough or awkward. This will save you a lot of pain and difficulty in the future.
5. Be happy alone
I know this is obvious, but I’ve learned firsthand how true it is. Being unhappy alone leads to desperation and settling for someone that’s doesn’t treat you well. I believe that if you are content with being alone and you respect yourself, you will attract someone who treats you with respect too. Of course, you have to put yourself out there too! It’s a great thing to be able to focus on yourself and your friends. College is the perfect time to be a little selfish and figure out more about who you are. So don’t worry too much about the whole dating thing!