A Salty Commentary on Coachella

Over the years I’ve heard about some important festival that every hip celebrity attends along with the other peasants of the world. Being the square that I am, I have yet to see the draw of standing all day in the middle of the desert. This sounds like the musical version of the Bible (okay, with less smiting and Jesus). So here’s my hella salty commentary on this Coachella thing.

 

The fashion bloggers lose their minds over the Coachella fashion. Homie, why are you wearing both a bandeau AND this weird capey nonsense? WHERE ARE YOU SHOES? Because Coachella is in the spring, does that just mean you have to wear a flower crown? Does the quality of your flower crown determine whether or not you’re a true Coachella Queen? I must just be a lowly peasant for not understanding any of the fashion trends.

 

I’m very confused about this whole ‘concert in the middle of the desert’ concept. Like...why do you actively drop hundreds of dollars to go home without your hearing, with a gnarly sunburn, and mild dehydration? Are you Moses? No, you’re not. You’re standing in the midday sun, drunk, smelling like the ganga, and wearing that damn flower headband.

 

Just because you’re listening to alternative music and may or may not have a contact high, does not mean every photo you take warrants a peace sign.

 

Back to the fashion. Seriously. What is this? Amateur hour. You’re trying to go for something that’s both practical and cute. Instead you just look like like you dressed yourself in a dark closet full of rejected clothing.

 

Now onto the amount of money people drop on tickets to this concert in the middle of the desert. Tickets cost anywhere from $375 to $900. That’s not including parking, housing, transportation, food, etc. Obviously, I am not sold on the cost of this activity.

 

Despite the shade I’m throwing, I can appreciate that many people attend Coachella for the music and not the cheesy flower headbands and weird clothes. If Coachella is your thing, take this commentary for what it is, me being salty AF.

 

Party on, friends.

All images from giphy.