In case you missed it, clowns no longer have a cute and happy persona, but terrifying tendencies that confirmed that 4-year-old Channing was right about clowns not being worthy of trust. Clown threats have put schools on lockdown because, well, I’ll let you Google it, but it isn’t pretty. In order to be best prepared, I have researched several ways to defend yourself from the outbreak of horrifying clowns.
The Obvious Defenses
A flower that doesn’t squirt water.
Big vehicles opposed to the small cars clowns are accustomed to.
Shoes that are too tight…
Make-up remover.
Physical Defenses
Garlic… Wait that’s vampires,but I guess if you throw it hard enough…
Pocket sand…
Running, the obvious. You don’t have to be first, you just can’t be last.
Samsung Galaxy Note 7, because it has proven to be a better method of defense than a cell phone.
Start playing old Nickelback CDs.
Verbal Defenses
Show the clown my student loan debt figure.
“Hey clown, check out this rash.”
Remind the clown what’s happening November 8th….
During this Halloween season, it’s not about survival of the fittest, but survival of the fit enough. Stay safe out there, friends.