Why You Should Consider Having a Threesome

 

It’s one of the most common, intense fantasies of both men and women, particularly amongst married couples: group sex. By placing so much cultural currency on the notion of monogamous relationships, we created the taboo of sleeping with another person. This historically resulted in marital infidelity, but that is beginning to change. There has been a rise in polyamory in millennials (myself included) and, whether it’s because of that new openness or in spite of it, the erotic allure of a ménage à trois is as powerful as ever.

 

And the idea of having one scared the shit out of me.

If I’m being perfectly honest, until the last few years, the notion of a threesome was really intimidating to me. For a long time, I was of the mindset that I had to perform, to guarantee that my partner had a good time before anything else. Being responsible for doing that with two people at once was petrifying. It made me more anxious that it ever did aroused.

 

And yet.

And yet I have found myself in several relationships over the years with people who explicitly brought up the possibility of having a threesome. And recently, I reached a point in my personal growth where I was comfortable with the idea, where I have learned that everyone will have more fun if I just relax. So when my partner developed a crush on someone and then dropped some high-key hints that we should hang out, all three of us let things follow their natural course of development.

 

 

Then it happened.

I had just gotten back into town after travelling, and both my partner and her crush were going to finish work late. This was several days after having had a phone call with the two of them in between them fooling around, so we had a pretty comfortable idea of boundaries in mind. My partner’s crush finished work first, so she and I met in person for the first time after only having spoken online and on the phone for a few days. We ended up really hitting it off, and even made plans to start hanging out more. Things went so well that we both messaged my partner and told her to come to my place when she finished her shift.

 

Her crush and I went to my place after stopping to pick up a can of Monster for her. We didn’t waste much time starting with the foreplay, and any discomfort at how relatively little we knew each other did not last. After about an hour, my partner arrived, with a can of Redbull to pep herself up. Maybe it was because all three of us were feeling warmed up and ready to go, but everything that happened next felt wonderfully natural. We flowed between two of us kissing all over the third, one person pulling someone’s hair while the other went down on them, or just rotating out to watch and get a drink to stay hydrated. What would have given me heart palpitations a few years prior ended up being a perfectly pleasant evening for three people who were all attracted to each other.

 

So would I recommend doing this in your relationship? Honestly, yeah. Even if you have no interest in having a non-monogamous relationship regularly, it’s worth indulging each other and experimenting. It lets two people who might have fallen into comfortable and safe habits try something new that they might have always been interested in, but were afraid to bring up. Some people worry about jealousy factoring in, or that it could lead to one partner becoming unhappy and ending the relationship. And that is possible. But for it to be possible, there would need to be pre-existing problems in the relationship, whether the people involved were aware of them or not. If you feel that you have a strong, healthy relationship, then you have nothing to fear.

 

So don’t be afraid to get a little freaky with your bae—you just might like it.

 

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