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I’ve finally done it. I’ve hit the halfway point of the Twilight saga. After the wild, near-hilarity of Twilight and New Moon, I wondered what Eclipse could possibly give me that could compare to the pure nonsense of the first two movies, and it did not disappoint.

(For those of you who are lost, here are my reviews of Twilight and New Moon.)

Why is this movie suddenly about sex?

What I don’t understand is how Bella’s libido goes from 0 to 100. Edward doesn’t even have abs.

“I would have courted you.”

Bella, this is the man you’re choosing to marry. He wanted to “court” you like it’s the 17th century and you need your father’s approval to leave the house.

He’s proposing while they’re still in high school?

Bella’s 17. You guys can afford to wait a bit; Edward’s literally got all the time in the world.

Jacob’s in love with Bella?

We knew that, but I enjoyed how confused Bella is when he tells her.

Jacob, you cannot just kiss a woman like that!

What happened to consent?!

Generally, what is happening?

I don’t understand the connection between whatever is happening in Seattle and Bella’s increasing horniness.

Why is Victoria still a part of these movies?

What is her purpose? Honestly, I had completely forgotten she existed until she walked into the scene.

I think Stephanie Meyers is still being racist here.

Stephanie please, your depiction of the Quileute tribe feels very wrong.
The portrayal of the Quileute tribe by Stephanie Meyers is so poor that numerous articles have been written deconstructing the racist portrayal of this very real group of people. If anyone would like to read more on the problems with Meyers’ portrayal of this group I highly recommend checking out the website Truth vs Twilight.

Ah, a classic “need to cuddle in this snowstorm” scenario.

I love how Jacob jokes about taking their clothes off, too. You go, you funky little werewolf. (You still need consent, though.)

What is the point of the Volturi? Are they going to be useful to the plot at some point?

So the Volturi have arrived, but why? Are they having a book club?

While this movie definitely left me with a few questions, it sure is a cinematic masterpiece like the first two. I’m looking forward to giving my final thoughts in future articles!

Ria Boldt

U Vic '20

Ria is a slightly confused fourth year at the University of Victoria, with a major in tea drinking and a minor in freelance superhero-ing. When not busy she can usually be found reading, eating, or re-watching all of the Star Wars movies.
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