It’s distressing enough to go through any breakup, but leaving behind a high school romance can hit harder than most. The harsh reality is… when faced with the prospect of an awkward Christmas or Holiday time together, or when you’re both exhausted from late-night facetiming and the lack of meaningful connection…many high school relationships break down over the winter months.Â
Don’t despair, this guide is designed to help you pick up your broken heart and cope with the loss of your high school sweetheart. It won’t be easy, but you will be okay.
Forgive yourself…If you’ve tried for a while to keep your high school relationship alive, it can be challenging to let go. It almost feels like admitting defeat, but it’s okay to admit to yourself (and your S/O) that it’s time to move on. Starting college is a huge change in life, whether you planned to study in the same town or thousands of miles apart from your partner: schedules, friendships and long term priorities may have changed. Sadly, for the vast majority, high school romances don’t last. So, whether it was your decision or theirs; don’t beat yourself up over “not making it work.”
Let go of the security blanket…High school relationships are tough to get over. Chances are you dated for several years or were good friends before you became partners. Losing the comfort and security of having your significant other around is going to be tough. Putting yourself out there and going through new things without your safety net is really hard, but the more you do it, the more you realise you can fly without it!Â
Sadness is okay...In fact it’s an inevitable part of a breakup, regardless of whose decision it was. If it’s all getting too much, then try writing a short letter to your ex or drafting a private blog post. Pour all of those yucky feelings out and acknowledge them, then rip the page up or delete the whole thing. Letting the emotions come up then releasing them works surprisingly well.
Shut down social media…Social media makes it very easy to remain connected to your ex, it’s hard to resist the opportunity to play detective on their stories, determine if they’re moving on, or post your own content hoping they’ll see it. Take a minute to ask yourself if any of this really makes you feel better? A break-up is often better when it’s decisive, and that includes on Facebook, Instagram or TikTok as well.
If permanently deleting a past partner from socials feels too harsh, consider muting them for a while. You might be surprised how quickly you get used to not seeing them pop up on your feed.
Change your setting…Plan a mini-break or a fun day trip in your new college town. When my last boyfriend and I broke up, I booked a few days in an AirBnB. I kept myself busy with a packed travel itinerary, chatting with locals and exploring the town on my own was a great way to change my mindset. It also prevented wallowing at home with buckets of ice cream and Netflix holiday films (although that’s okay too!). Try a refreshing change of scene for healing,even if it’s just a temporary relief from the breakup blues.
Make a (temporary) appearance change…You’ve probably heard of the post-breakup hair chop! While heartbreak notoriously results in regrettable styling choices, making a reversible appearance change could really boost your self-esteem and help you rediscover your personal style! Consider thrifting a cute new outfit you wouldn’t normally wear, booking a manicure or lash extension, or a semi-permanent hair colour change.
Moving on…When you finally feel ready to jump back into the dating game, go for it! But keep in mind that college dating might be an adjustment. Your life has likely changed dramatically since moving out, and the dating pool is so much broader and a lot more intimidating! Try to keep in mind that many of the new people you meet may be adjusting to college life too. Their priorities might be their classes or they might even just be enjoying a bit more freedom. ollege dating is fun, but go into it with an open mind.Â
Make a plan for the holidays…During the festive season, it’s almost inevitable that we revisit our hometowns and feel those waves of nostalgia. When you’re grieving your lost relationship, being home for the holidays can bring back old date locations, awkward conversations with your aunt (what happened to that lovely boy/girl you brought around last year?) and even the chance of a run-in with your ex (*gulp*).
If you know that you and your ex have a lot of mutuals, or even if your families get along, decide how you will navigate this. If you’d prefer not to chance a meeting with your ex, it’s okay to respectfully turn down an invitation or suggest another time to meet up.Â
And please..whatever you do, don’t slide into their DMS with a “happy holidays” message as a thinly veiled conversation starter. Getting back in touch with the ex while you’re still healing is rarely a good idea!
I hope these tips make it slightly easier to cope with your post break-up feelings. It is totally acceptable to feel sad, angry, lonely or even relieved after a relationship breaks down, just be kind to yourself. It’s an annoying cliche-but it really does get better with time.