“He’s only like 35,” I tell my friends, clutching my phone in my hand to hide the Seeking Arrangements profile from view. Everyone politely agrees that 35 isn’t that bad, especially when you’re being offered over $1000 a month to spend time with him. This was arrangement discussed between myself and Joe*. If you haven’t already guessed,Joe is a Sugar Daddy.
I have been on and off Seeking Arrangements for the past two years. Whenever summer rolls around or I have too much spare time, I’ll scroll the website with a slew of “what ifs” playing in my mind. Though I had conversations with a few men over the years, never did I once move forward to the stage of meeting a prospect… that was, until this summer.
I don’t know what it was that finally made me take the leap. It could be that he was only 35 or that our conversations were easy and we seemed to like the same things. The conversations that Joe and I shared were never sexual and he was never anything less than polite. But most of all I think I’d had enough of the ordinary. I didn’t want a boyfriend, so traditional dating didn’t feel enticing, but if someone was going to pay to date me? It sounded like an easy second job.
Joe and I met at a Starbucks. Since we didn’t know what each other looked like, we pre-planned and exchanged descriptions of our outfits. I arrived before him and sat with sweaty palms waiting for his arrival. After 5 minutes, a dark grey t-shirt and black jeans walked into the store—it was Joe. He was of average height and build, and not traditionally attractive by any means. Maybe Joe is best described as the kind of man you might suspect pays women to spend time with him. We quickly got drinks and moved outside where our conversation could go on unheard.
For the first half an hour or so there was small talk: his move to the city, the weather here and our pastimes. Once we’d clearly drained all the cognitive resources allocated for the art of talking, and hadn’t said much, Joe asked me if the arrangement we had discussed seemed like something I might be interested in. The truthful answer:no. I didn’t want to hang out with this man twice a week. He bored me and it was all so weird. The answer that came out of my mouth:“I will think about it.” I wanted the money, and, if I’m being honest with myself, part of me wanted to be able to say that I’d done it.
Joe and I said our goodbyes with an agreement to text in a couple of days and confirm if the arrangement would continue. Internally I struggled; I didn’t know if I could do it. Could I take someone’s money, while giving nothing but companionship in return? Apparently, the answer was yes because I agreed. However, it became clear while planning our next meeting that companionship wasn’t the only thing Joe wanted. Yeah I know, how naive of me to not assume he wanted sex. In my defense, there is an explicit statement in my profile making the point that I would not participate in a sexual arrangement. Furthermore, Joe and I’s conversation was never even flirty, let alone sexual! As soon as Joe’s intention became clear to me, I called it off right away. If there was a line to be crossed, we had just encountered it. Joe’s response was respectful and short until he offered me more money a few days later. I declined in the form of ghosting him.
Just like that, I suddenly was not a Sugar Baby. Do I get points for trying? Only you can be the judge of that.
*name changed