Have you ever wondered what it’s like to browse Tinder and have double the options? Not just creepy older men, but some lovely ladies as well. I first got Tinder when I was 16, almost 17, years old and “straight.” I was always open to the idea of dating girls, but never really went through with it until months later. Coming out is terrifying and I hadn’t really given my sexuality much thought back then. So, my first taste of Tinder was the cute boys in my neighbourhood —who claimed to be 18, but were not, in fact, 18 — and some freshly single guys in their mid-20s with unfortunate bios.
Fast forward about a year-and-a-half and I was actually of age to use Tinder, and had just moved to a brand new city. I had been in a year-long relationship with my first girlfriend and was ready to dive back into mingling. It was super scary at first. I originally had my settings on only looking for women, but I soon realized that the amount of female-identifying bisexuals and lesbians in a smaller city meant a very limited selection. I had Tinder for about a week and had already gone through every single girl. Maybe it was me constantly checking and going on it that made my options run dry, but I think the numbers are just small in our community.
After changing my settings to look for both men and women, I decided to go on my first actual Tinder date. Texting a man versus texting a woman is surprisingly very different. In my experience, setting up a date is a lot more stressful with a girl because I find that I compare myself to them a lot. I see a lot of similarities between them and me. But putting that aside, my first Tinder date was at a cute downtown cafe on a sunny Saturday afternoon with this girl I had been talking to for about a week. It was really friendly and carefree. But have we had another date? No.
This repeated about four more times. I’d go on cute coffee dates with girls and nothing more ever happened. I’d never see them again. Then, I got fed up and searched for a boy to take to a cafe. Once I found one, we went out. We had a total of three dates, but we ended it because of the age gap and busy schedules. But still, at least I saw him more than once. You could tell me not all dates are supposed to go perfect, I definitely know that, but it is undeniably weird that I only had one date with each of the four girls, but three dates with one boy. There’s an absolute lack of communication and confidence when it comes to queer girls on Tinder.
Something I’ve noticed is that I lack any sort of initiative needed to see someone again. I’m usually not the one on Tinder to make the plans first. If I feel this way, I’m sure a lot of other girls feel this too. I tried talking to more boys and they just seem more confident and more willing to “go for it,” which is both interesting and disappointing. There are clearly deep-rooted issues at play here, with gender roles and women being timid and scared to make the first move. So when there are two girls trying to figure it out with each other, nothing happens fast — or at all.
To be honest, I’m not complaining. I try not to take Tinder super seriously, so don’t mind not getting more positive results from the app. The shyness of queer girls online doesn’t really bother me too much but it was something that I thought was interesting to point out. If you’re a queer girl looking for other queer girls, it’s important to keep in mind that Tinder may not be the best option. I now know that if I want anything more to happen with a Tinder girl, I’ll have to be the one to say something and reach out. Maybe that’ll make me more confident and force me to put myself out there. Or, I might take the easy way out and delete the app next week. Who knows?