You asked and I answered! This week we address the questions “Do I even want a boyfriend?”, avoiding burnout, hooking up with someone from your floor, and much more. Read below to find out this week’s responses.
“I’ve been hooking up with a guy for over a month now—we even kinda went on a date. I’m pretty sure he likes me a lot but idk if I fully feel that yet or if I’m just scared of commitment cause I’ve never had a boyfriend! Idk what to do. Do I even want a relationship rn? it’s all confusing. Any advice would help!”
– Dazed Dater
Dear Dazed Dater, you hit the nail on the head with your question, “Do I even want a relationship [right now]?” First and foremost, I think you need to explore that, because if you don’t want a boyfriend, it doesn’t matter how much he likes you! When you enter into a relationship, you become partially responsible for that person’s emotions. What I mean by that is your actions now affect them, whether you intend them to or not. That isn’t a light weight to carry, especially for someone that you aren’t sure about. That being said, if you do want to try out a relationship, there is no harm done in doing so! Commitment can be scary, but it’s also a great gift to have a partner to tackle all of life’s obstacles. My advice is to spend the next week acting and thinking as if he was your boyfriend, without his knowledge of such. That will give you an idea of what it would be like to be in a relationship without any stakes.
“My boyfriend is fairly well off, and it makes me feel financially insecure. I want to get married and things but he has no student debt and is making more money than I am. I want to contribute, but do I have to accept that I just won’t [be able to contribute] as much as him?”
– Moneyball
Dear Moneyball, if financial disparities were a deal-breaker in relationships, no one would be together. The truth of the matter is that one person in the relationship will always have a larger income. However, money isn’t a simple topic and it is valid to feel insecure when you aren’t the one in the relationship contributing the most. While you may not be able to contribute to the relationship as much as you want financially, you can find other ways to do your part. For example, being emotionally supportive of your partner can go a long way. Furthermore, there is no shame in bringing up your concerns to your boyfriend. Ask him how he thinks you could give to the relationship and continue to have open communication on the topic. That way, you won’t feel it’s a burden you are carrying on your own.
“I’m having an identity crisis… my ex of 2.5 years said I was ‘perfect’ for him in every way including the way I looked. Well, we broke up earlier this year and it destroyed me. I was just starting to feel like myself again until I saw him dating someone who looks like me when we first started dating. I have a pretty distinct look and now I’m questioning it because I don’t wanna feel replaceable or [look] like a [certain]‘type’. Should I cough up hundreds of dollars to change my look?”
– One-of-a-kind
Dear One-of-a-kind, it can be extremely cathartic to change up your look! The list of post-breakup hair switch-ups is probably miles long. However, under no circumstances should you make a change for someone else. If you want to mix it up because you want something new, then go for it; but if you’re doing it to look less like your ex’s new girl, I wouldn’t suggest it. You deserve to feel like the best version of yourself, man or no man in your life, so stay true to who you are!
“Dear Heather Cooper, I am absolutely drowning in homework, club commitments, and trying to find time in there for a social life and making myself eat healthy food. Every couple weeks, I just burn out and watch Netflix or nap for hours and hours (sometimes for several days in a row)and then I fall behind on all the things I work so hard to keep up with. It makes me feel terrible and guilty for not being more productive. What do you think I can do to end this cycle and start enjoying school again? Sincerely,
– Stuck in a Loop
Dear Stuck in a Loop, #relatable. While it can feel inevitable to drive at full speed until your tank runs empty, it will leave you feeling just that: empty. I suggest taking an hour or two out of each day for yourself. Where those hours fit in depends on your schedule. For me, it’s evenings before bed, but, if you’re a morning person, take advantage of that. Give yourself those hours to watch Netflix, take a nap, or participate in any form of self-care. That will give you something to look forward to every day after working hard af or to start you off feeling refreshed for school each morning.
“Is it a bad idea to hook up with a guy that lives on my floor? We’ve talked about keeping it lowkey and not making things awkward, but I feel like it’s awkward anyways.”
– Residence Relations
Dear Residence Relations, good idea… maybe not. Bad idea… not necessarily. Proximity plays tricks on us. If we like someone, being close to them makes you like them even more. However, this is a double-edged sword because if you dislike someone being close to them it will feel intolerable. If you think there’s even the slightest chance of things going sour between you two, then it’s best to source outside your floor (and maybe even your building for hookups). That being said, you know yourself best, so if you think you can keep your cool regardless of what happens, and if you think he can too, then there’s no harm in having a little fun.
Can Heather Cooper help you? Send her an anonymous question here to be featured in the next article.