Ask Elle: How to Talk to Your Parents About Sex, Without Losing Your Mojo

Dear Elle,
 
I’ve just started having sex and, as weird as this sounds, I really want to talk to my mom about it, but I have no idea how to bring up this subject. We’re not super religious or anything, but I’m still worried what about she’ll think. Should I say anything, or just keep it to myself?
— Nervous
 
 
Dear Nervous,
 
I can still remember how awkward it was when, nine months into my first serious relationship and only a day after my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, my mother suddenly asked me if we were using condoms. Mysterious as it is, parents just know things. Also, the glow emanating from your newly formed smile is a dead giveaway.
 
But seriously, talking to Mom and Dad about your love life is possibly one of the most uncomfortable rights of passage any vixen can take. Before you plunge straight into a dead-zone of awkwardness, however, decide what you want from this talk: their blessing, help with contraceptives or a pregnancy test, advice on how to deal with life after losing your virginity, or just someone with whom you can gossip with. Although you know the temperature of your relationship best, here are a few tips to make the bees and the birds talk a little easier on Ma.
 
First, find a time when the two of you can be alone to talk. Make sure Mom can give you her full attention, but consider working on something together (like making cookies) that will keep you two in bond-mode while you muster the courage to break the news. Even though you might want to burst it all out in one big “Mom-I-had-sex” breath, it might be a little less startling for her if you start with less abrupt questions like, “How old were you when you started dating?” If even this seems too awkward, wait until the opportunity unwraps itself, like after a topic-related TV show.
 
The key is to get the conversation going, and the rest will follow. Yes, it’s probably going to be icky weird at first, and if you think you know what Mom will say, map out your lines ahead of time so the conversation doesn’t fall into an emotional landslide. If you find the reaction is not what you hoped (or you need a getaway plan fast) reassure her that you came to her with this because she’s someone you trust and rely on — parents eat that stuff up. If things really get muddy, you might try talking to another relative later on who can talk some sense into Mom about the fact that you are a grown woman and that you are being safe — right?
 
Just remember, even the most steadfast of parents can pleasantly surprise you — after all, they’ve been in your shoes at least once. While you might be in for a bit of a question-and-answer session at first, if all goes well, you might invite Mom to tell you if there’s anything she thinks you should know about sex. And, if you’re new mojo has given you guts of steel, you might even illicit some of your own probing to find out the secrets of Mom’s first time — if she’ll spill.