Advice from Holly Clark: Finding a Serious Relationship

Dear Holly Clark,

I’m a 22-year-old student in my third year of university, and I haven’t had a serious relationship yet. I know university is basically a cesspool of hookup culture and ghosting, which I avoid at all costs. I’m not under the illusion that romcoms are real life; all I’m looking for is some commitment. I know most guys aren’t looking for a “serious” relationship right now, but how can I find one who does?

—Looking for Love

 

 

Dear Looking for Love,

Honey, I think we’re all looking for love. ;)

Now, I’d like to preface by saying that, although Looking for Love is talking about men specifically, this advice is free and open to people of all gender persuasions.

Looking for Love is right about one thing, though: university-aged guys are not the best boyfriend material. However, that doesn’t mean they can’t be found. I know lots of people who found their man off of Tinder (I know, shocking). I think we can all agree that dating is a numbers game—the more times you’re up at bat, the more likely you are to find your next beau. You say you aren’t a party gal, no problem. But in order to find a man, you need to be where the men are. So if you aren’t going to parties, where are you going to find a man?

The solution is basically a win-win scenario: broaden your horizons. This is where your friends are really your friends. Ask them if they know any cuties you might be interested in! Join a club! Seriously. I know that’s everyone’s solution to university (“join a club, it’ll be fun”). But hey, that’s one way to meet people. Check out what’s going on in the city. There’s always something—from bands to plays to food events—happening in the city, which not only gets you out of the house and experiencing life, but meeting new people, which is the linchpin in this whole plan. And then put yourself out there! You won’t succeed until you try. You get to have fun and potentially find your next date.

Now, searching for a man is fine and all, but let’s not forget the most important part of this equation: YOU. Don’t get too hung up on your relationship status. You need to ask yourself why you want a relationship. Maybe it’s companionship or sex or being in love—all great things! But girlfriend, you also need to think big picture. What do you want in your life? You want a career? A big house? To travel the world? Sure, men are nice to have around, but at the end of the day, you don’t need a man for these things (or most things. Sorry, not sorry).

You are 22! You’re so young, and you have so much to accomplish. Put your effort and your energy into yourself and what’s important to you. You will find your great romance, whatever that may look like, and probably more than one. There’s no need to rush.

What’s the saying? “You’ll find love when you stop looking.”

 

Special thanks to Leah Smith