“I just don’t think it will ever happen for me,” I told my long term boyfriend, after nearly three years of trying. Orgasms seemed like high-end sushi; enjoyable, but just not for me. Thankfully, I now really like sushi… and you probably get where this is going. I frequently engage in the pleasure of orgasming as well. But it wasn’t easy to get there, I mean, the climax of any story has to come with tribulations, right? That brings us to the topic at hand — how exactly did I hit my stride? Ride my wave? Get my rocks off? It doesn’t matter how you want to say it… this article might help you do it too.
- Masturbate
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No, this is no longer some dirty word that boys snicker about in the back of a high school class. Masturbation is a healthy way of exploring your body and sexuality. And above all else; it feels really good. No one method of masturbation is going to work for everyone. Some people prefer to use toys, while others stick to their five digits. The good old showerhead and/or riding the pillow methods have been tried and true throughout the years. There is no shame in doing it yourself! It took years for me to find a method that really worked for me, so if you don’t hit the mark on the first try, remain calm and try again tomorrow.
- Be comfortable with your partner
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If you engage in consensual sexy time with another, it is first and foremost recommended that you be emotionally and physically comfortable with them. There is no way you’re going to be able to comfortably climb the climax mountain if you’re worried about the way you look or what your partner thinks of you. Sex, or sexual interactions of the like, can be anxiety-inducing; but with time and dedication to the craft, a healthy level of comfort can be achieved. When you’re able to have fun being intimate with another, a climax will be waiting right around the corner. I first had to embrace my own body and imperfections to reach this point of comfort. Having partners that celebrated my body helped me learn to do it too!
- Embrace your kinks and know how to communicate them
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Hey, no judgment, we all have our kinks. Whether it’s BDSM or a little toe action, consensual play and imaginative exploration will help you hit the mark. Masturbation is the perfect time to get comfortable with your preferences, so when it is time to explore them with another you can walk in with your head held high and your list of tricks ready. It might seem awkward to talk about what you like with a partner but the right person will be willing to have a mature conversation about your sexual preferences. My favorite way to bridge these conversations is to slip it in during a little dirty talk, this gives them a chance to roll with it or to hit the breaks. Embrace your sexuality and the big O will be waiting to join you.
- Try switching positions
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As Missy Elliot once said, “I put my thing down, flip it, and reverse it”. A quick Google search will open your mind to so many possibilities when it comes to sex positions. There are books and games dedicated to getting dirty in every position possible. It is fairly common that you will only be able to reach peak in a single position. The best part is — you get to try them all to find out what gets you off! While achieving an orgasm might at this point seem more of a chore than it’s worth, don’t forget to have a little fun with it. If you need a little inspiration, this book has got you covered.
- Double down
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Oh yeah, I’m talking about a joint effort. Penetrative sex just doesn’t do it for everyone. That’s when you get to bring in all the handy tools you acquired during masturbation! Try bringing a toy into the bedroom with yourself and a partner. If you’re a person with a vulva, focus on your clitoris and suggest that your partner gets familiar with its inner workings as well. I can guarantee you this right now, a secure person will not feel personally victimized by a silicon vibrator. If this fact has not rung true to your experience— ditch them and return to the first part of this article.
- Believe that you can
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A surprising amount of the Big O equation is the thought process. If you’re in your head about orgasming, it’s going to be next to impossible to get yourself there. Try to relax — easier said than done, I know — and enjoy the connection you’re having with your body or a partner. While the destination is fantastic, it is important to embrace the journey! So sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.
Now that you have those tips and tricks, let’s get it on! Happy orgasming!