Dear Hallmark Channel,
The time of year has once again rolled around where it is socially acceptable to watch holiday movies 24/7. Over the next month I will be spending more time watching your movies than attending lectures, and I will not regret a single second of it.
The picturesque towns, sparkly decorations, warm romances and happy endings are my kryptonite. The holiday joy is unmatched. You could even go so far as to say say that I’m living vicariously through movies instead of going out and finding my own holiday cheer. But when you have four papers due in the span of a week, you take what you can get.
Having a movie playing in the background means you can never feel sad or alone because it’s one of the unwritten rules of Hallmark that you can’t be upset while watching someone fall in love or run through the snow. I think that you, Hallmark, are single-handedly responsible for warding off any potential seasonal depression in me. Your movies are so good at bringing joy, it should be incorporated into your slogan. Something like “Hallmark: You’re not allowed to be sad here” or “Hallmark: Fighting tears and gender norms. Well… one of the two.”
I guarantee I am your most loyal patron. If you had merch, my tuition money would immediately be reinvested. Lacey Chabert is my wallpaper, Danica McKellar’s books are all I read, I shed a tear every time I see Alicia Witt and Candace Cameron Bure has the legal right to my firstborn child. She’s said she doesn’t want it but I think she’s just being polite so I put it in writing.
I know you’re not perfect, you have some problems with repetitive plots and mild misogynistic views- but I can overlook that for the exorbitant Christmas decorations and the predictability of a happy ending. Does that make me a bad feminist? Perhaps. But am I a more festive one? Absolutely.
Every time I see the stock aerial footage of that little snowy town I know that everything’s going to be alright. I’m in for 92 minutes of Christmas tree shopping, hot chocolate rendezvous and non-threatening drama. So thank you, from the bottom of my heart (which also legally belongs to Candace Cameron Bure).
Love,
Sierra