After swiping on tinder for as long as I have been *cough regrets cough* you start to get familiar with the types of guys in your local area. This list is nonexhaustive, trust me I could go on for days, but if you indulge in a late-night swipe you’ve probably seen these dudes around. From the Gym Bro Extraordinaire to the Big Fish we love-to hate-to love-to swipe through these personalities.
The Gym Bro Extraordinaire
If you zoom in really close on his abs, you can see “I drink pre-workout for breakfast” scrawled across them. He has at least one mirror selfie taken in a gym change room, but don’t be surprised if there’s two or three more. His bio also has something like “fitness is life” or “looking for a gym buddy” written before an assortment of exercise-oriented emojis. As long as he doesn’t try to give you tips on your form, this dude is pretty harmless. And the most important thing to note about the gym bro is that he will absolutely be able to give you a great piggyback, and that’s all we really need, right?
The Guy Who Went to Thailand
He’s probably tall, wearing a male tank top, and has one hand on an elephant. This guy found himself over some pad thai and underpriced accommodation. I’d bet good money that he drove a scooter to a town where he hung out with the locals. All the pics on his profile show off this incredible journey of self-growth and the obscene amount of bucket drinks he consumed in a week. As long as he didn’t ride the elephant (animal cruelty isn’t cool), then I give you permission to swipe right.
The No Picture Mystery Man
It’s a bird. It’s a plane. It’s a … picture of his dog …? Who is he? We will never know, because chances are, he doesn’t have anything written in his bio and his Instagram isn’t linked. What do you think he’s hiding, anyways? Or is he just there watching? Maybe he’s collecting data on the female population of Tinder? I have so many questions.
The One Who Played Minor League Hockey
He’s only in town for the weekend and doesn’t like staying in hotels. That’s right, ladies: he wants to camp out in your bedroom. He probably has a picture of him on the ice, another with this teammates, and lastly, another picture of him on the ice. He’s either still chasing his NHL dreams or he’s a business student, and there is very little in between. I must admit, this guy was the one I crushed on in high school, so I won’t judge you if you want to hold his stick.
The Big Fish
Yee-haw! Or whatever people who shoot guns and go on yearly fishing trips say … He has at least one picture of him on a boat holding a fish. Bonus points if he has a beard and is wearing plaid. He wants to take you on an adventure and probably overuses the mountain emoji. I’d put this fella in the same category as the hunters—only, for some reason, a dead fish isn’t as gross as the classic “look at what a shot” antler-holding pic. The good thing about this guy is he’s got that small town charm and will definitely know how to tie a good knot.
Not My Child and That’s My Sister
Is he husband material or rocking dad status? You won’t know until you read his profile to find out the adorable li’l stinker he’s holding doesn’t actually belong to him. At least you know he’s good with kids (or is at least capable of holding one without dropping them). This softie unfortunately gets grouped with the guy standing next to that insanely hot girl. You won’t be sure which one you’re more attracted to, but it doesn’t matter, because that’s just his sister … he promises.