A lot of my friends are wading into their first few weeks at university right now. I’m starting my second year after adoring most of my first. I spent a lot of the summer before my first year excited and nervous, doing as much research as I could about university. What should I bring to my dorm? What books should I read to prepare? But really, there is no set-in-stone “should.” We’re all just figuring it out as we go along.
Most freshmen have a lot of expectations for university. Some will prove to be true, and some will be hilariously wrong. Here are thirty-one things that I learned in my first year. Take them with a grain of salt, because they may or may not be true for you!
Congratulations and good luck to any new collegiate out there!
1. University is where you can be yourself. Whether you’re sober or a drinker, introverted or extroverted, interested in knitting or rugby, you’ll notice more and more that people are usually too busy to judge your interests.
2. Join at least one club based on your genuine interests, not on what you want to seem interested in. This is a great way to make an almost automatic set of friends. Go to your school’s club day and the trial days of several different clubs before choosing your favorite.
3. If you’re struggling with a class, go to the help center or office hours as soon as you can. Don’t blame the prof for being bad, even if they are. Catching the problem early means you have less work in the long run.
4. You may or may not make friends in the first few weeks, and that’s okay. You’ll probably make a lot of acquaintanceships that won’t become friendships. That said, it can be really fun, especially when you’re new and don’t know many people yet, to get food/go for a hike/check out a beach with a bunch of people you don’t really know. If you already know people at your university, branch out and make new friends as well. If you’re worried that high school friends will be stifling, meet people in classes and make plans to see them separately. That said; your friendship circles will all likely overlap. It’s great to introduce cool people to each other!
5. If you want something, don’t just ask for it or wait around for it – go for it. Whether it’s a job or a relationship, showing that you’re available and potentially interested is likely not enough. Sell your appeal – show why you should get that internship (don’t be afraid to show off), or straight-up ask your crush out. Good things come to those who wait, but also to those who work hard and are clear about what they want.
6. Communicate. Figure out how you learn best – find the right place in the room, and find a good time to ask the teacher questions. With roommates, don’t leave passive-aggressive notes; speak up as soon as there is a problem. In a relationship, don’t be petty or dismissive – that’s not fair to your partner.
7. If you’re new to a small community, know that gossip travels fast but dissipates quickly. Whatever you say about someone will likely get back to that person; people can almost always guess to whom you’re referring, even if you don’t use names. What you do in public will be noticed. That said, new gossip overtakes old in no time, and university is a time for doing gossip-worthy things, so don’t worry too much.
8. If you’re new to a big community, know that huge cities can be lonely sometimes despite crowds. Get people’s information when you meet them, then get in touch with them to set up plans.
9. Say “yes.” If you’re shy, introverted, or not used to certain aspects of university life (parties, spontaneous adventures, etc.) it can be easy to automatically say “no” when someone asks if you want to do something. But you want to have crazy stories to look back on once you’ve graduated (“wow, I cannot believe I actually did that” moments), so going along with things (as long as you trust the people and the situation or at least have an exit strategy) can be a blast. Work hard and play hard without overdoing either.
10. Take care of your mental and physical health. Eat plenty of nutritious food, meditate/pray, listen to music, drink water, exercise in whatever way you enjoy, rest, sleep, read books… Take time away from homework and socialization to maintain your wellbeing.
11. Enjoy your independence. Whether you’re living with roommates, at home, or in a dorm, you’ll still have a lot more independence in university than you did in high school. Take advantage of that. It’s okay to be alone sometimes. Unlike in some high schools, nobody is going to judge you for eating lunch alone, or reading a book by yourself in the park.
12. Take initiative. There’s no shame in being the person to suggest an outing or party. Although sometimes it’s frustrating to have to be the organizer, people will appreciate that you do it. Since you may be away from the people you’ve known the longest, it’s important to develop genuine, comfortable friendships with new people. There’s nothing wrong with taking a nap with your buds, going grocery shopping with them, or hitting up the library in a group between classes. Fit in friendships wherever you can.
13. Take at least one class based solely on interest or curiosity. Maybe you’ll find a new favorite prof, maybe it’ll change the course of your degree, or maybe you’ll gain some knowledge nobody else in your degree program has. One of my favorite courses in first term was an upper-level English course with no pre-requisites that I took because I needed a fifth course. It ended up changing the way I see the world.
14. Age isn’t a big deal. You’ll probably have some friends from fourth and fifth year when you’re a first year. Don’t be too intimidated by them. They’ll probably have some wisdom to impart on you, but otherwise, they’re just like you.
15. Everyone has a different experience level. Playing “never have I ever” in first year is a total mixed bag. Some people have done every drug or slept with a vast range of people, while others have never tried beer or never been kissed. Wherever you fit in this range, know that there are more people like you than you realize. There’s also no rush to try anything more than you’re ready for, so don’t do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable – you’re young and you have tons of time to take it as fast or slow as you want.
16. University relationships are complicated, because everyone is busy and trying to figure themselves out. Often, maturity levels are vastly different. Think about how a relationship or hookup will affect you (do you trust them? How attached will you get?), the other person (have you made your boundaries clear? Have you defined the relationship?), and any other friends who might be implicated (are there mutual friends? Mutual friends who are also interested in them?). If you do end up with that person, be respectful and kind.
17. All relationships are different. Lots of my friends have kept thriving long-distance relationships while others fell through fast. I know people who started out as friends with benefits and ended up committed to each other. For many, the first few years of adulthood are about realizing that there are many cool, dateable people out there, and that it’s okay to take it easy sometimes and fall head-over-heels other times. Don’t invest too much in one person though – especially not before you two have expressed mutual interest and compatibility.
18. Make time for your classes. I’m used to studying in large blocks of time rather than in short increments, but with classes scattered throughout the day, sometimes you have to squeeze in homework wherever you can.
19. Understand requirements. If you don’t know what your professor is looking for in an assignment, ask.
20. Read for pleasure. Between textbooks and time spent staring at a laptop, it’s good to remember that reading can be for enrichment and entertainment.
21. Adventure in your university’s surrounding town – whether you’ve lived there all your life or you’re new to it. Find a new hike, a store you’ve never seen before, or an available activity (paintball? Laser tag? Escape rooms? A comedy club? A hockey game? A climbing gym?)
22. Go to campus events. This is a great way to get to know your student body and your campus. Plus, you’ll get really cute pics out of it. Show your school pride at a basketball game with face paint, or join in at a cultural society’s annual fair.
23. A lot of people have a hard time choosing a major. I took a general year to figure it out, and I’m still not 100% sure of what I want to study. However, I did learn that every major has its pros and cons. Research any majors you’re considering, but think outside the box. Some majors can lead to obscure careers you may never have even heard of before! Take your time to figure out what you want. Challenge yourself and your expectations. Some people choose majors for job training (engineering, computer science, trades…), while others take majors as prerequisites for grad school, or because of a passion. You’ll excel at what you enjoy and care about.
24. Keep in touch with your family and old friends. They’re there for support when you need it, and you should be there for them, too.
25. Keep a journal. Really. Time flies and you might thank yourself one day. I only write in mine when something important happens – a great night, a milestone, a good grade, a hard day… and I’ve still racked up quite a lot of entries this year. And no, you can’t read them.
26. These may or may not be the best years of your life. Good and bad times are unpredictable, and there’s no law that says university has to be a thrill ride. Take the pressure off yourself. You might not like university much, but love the job or the family that comes afterwards; college isn’t everything. If you don’t love campus or classes, try finding a part-time volunteer position, job, or extracurricular to keep you distracted.
27. Sometimes your university life will feel overwhelming and unfair. You’ll make mistakes and have way too many deadlines, or events outside of your control will make you miserable. Little day-to-day problems can get you down, especially if you can’t turn to old support systems as easily. A lot of your friends will have their own issues to deal with and may not always be available to help you out. So learn to deal, but don’t be too hard on yourself. First year is all about figuring things out: yourself, your campus, your relationships, your major… Talk to counselors if you need them. Ask for help when you need it. Handle what you can by yourself.
And enjoy it while it lasts. It’s all going to be okay.