Subway Survival 101: Etiquette Do’s and Don’ts
I am sure that those of us who ride the subway often have mentally made a list of subway etiquette we think people should follow. But such manners are not always what the TTC enforces. Below I have listed my mental list of subway etiquette which includes the things people have told me they hate seeing on the subway:
1. Your loud music is dangerous for our health
I am sure you have extreme “swag” when you step on the subway with your squad and your falling pants but please do not bring in your loud music with you. The music will cause people like me to dance like a broken ostrich to which the sight of will possibly blind other TTC riders. What if someone dances too hard and breaks a hip? So for the sake of people’s eyesight, and our uncontrollable dancing hips, do not play your loud music for all of us to hear.
2. Don’t carry a polar bear in your bag while you stand
I’m not sure whether you like carrying a polar bear in your backpack or just carry a ton of stuff, but please when you decide to stand on the subway, take your bag off and place it on the ground. There have been a countless number of times where short people like me have been smashed in the face with your backpack while you pass us by.
3. Do your bags get tired from standing all day?
I guess your bag(s) get tired from working all day and need to take up a seat beside you while you also sit. But please, be considerate of working people like us who really want a seat in a crowded subway. I’m sure your bag(s) can rest while they are in your lap or on the ground. Hope your bag(s) doesn’t get offended by this!
4. Holding to the pole for your dear life
The moment you step on a vacant subway, please do not reach for the closest pole to the door and block everyone else who are trying to get on. There are plenty of other poles, so moving down a step while the subway is completely at a stop will not cause you to fall on your face. The same issue goes for when you block the doors while I try to leave and refuse to get off the subway for a split second in fear of losing your spot. Your pole will be where you left it, I promise, now please get out of the way before the door closes in my face.
5. Sharing is caring
You have one hand, so you can use the hand to hold 1/30th of the pole, so why are you blocking the other 29/30th of the pole with your body? Unless you’d like to see me fall on my face or grab your bag and pull you down with me, please move aside so I can hold the pole with at least two fingers.
6. Be comfortable … but please, not too comfortable
You can place your feet on the table at your own home on your own table as much as you want. But please do not place the shoes you’ve been to the bathroom with on the seat that people may want to sit on. And to those who take off their shoes and place their feet on the seats, are you asking me for a foot massage? If you are, then the mixed messages are hard to read over the stinky smell of fungus growing in your socks.
7. Did you lose something on my legs?
We occasionally come across those who fall asleep with their eyes open while they stare at us. Then amongst these creepers we have those who are looking for something they’ve possibly lost on our legs. Maybe they dropped their dignity and it spilled all over our legs?
8. Guess the smell game
The food that you enjoy eating must be wonderful, but please do not eat your next level healthy meal on the subway where you play tricks with my nose, trying to figure out what that amazing smell is and where is it coming from! Same goes for those who open up a bag of McDonalds Fries where the smell wakes up the dieting person beside them on the subway; the fries will still be fries by the time you get home. I promise. It may be a take-out, but please take out your take-out from the subway first.
9. Daddy Long Legs
Lucky for you, puberty did you well by giving extremely long legs so you must be super tall and cool! But please, can your try your best to close those legs while you sit in the subway? I get tired of re-reading the advertisements above your head in order to prevent making eye contact with your lovely package when I sit across from you.