Over the last year, I’ve come to understand what it means to be truly alone without feeling lonely.
Before diving any deeper, I think it’s important to clarify what I mean by “alone”. When I refer to the term, I don’t just mean being the only person in a room. I’m referring to being the only person in the room with no other stimuli. No Netflix playing in the background, no music while you walk to class. Just you, alone with yourself.
Right off the bat, there are some who are utterly opposed to the idea, myself a few months ago included. During my first year of university, the prospect of being alone was utterly devastating. I hadn’t heard about the wonders of university life and friendships just to spend time by myself. And yet, the first four months of my university experience beg to differ.
I won’t sugarcoat it: My first semester at university was an extreme adjustment. Between dealing with the new rigorous academic climate and finding my way around campus, I found myself spending an increasing amount of time on my own, and I was not happy about it. My solitary state started to feel like a failure of sorts. As though I hadn’t successfully cracked how the whole “university thing” was supposed to work.
The idea of being alone has been painted in such a harsh light that people have come to avoid it as much as possible.
Alone has become synonymous with lonely.
We inundate ourselves with media and content to prevent solitude when in reality being alone is not a threat. In fact, being alone (in healthy doses) is one of the most rejuvenating and meditative activities there is.
Image by Akkarapat Kantamala
This is the distinction I failed to make during my first year of university. I was so fixated on the idea that being alone was the root of my problems that I started to avoid it altogether. I was on my phone consistently during my commute. Music playing while I walked. Netflix humming in the background while I worked. Every solitary action was coupled with something that would keep me from myself. It wasn’t until I slowly felt more comfortable in university that I could take a step back and recognize what was really going on.
Being alone is not the same as being lonely. Once I was able to overcome the latter by striking a better school- life balance, I started to understand the benefits of the former. That spending time with yourself, and allowing yourself to think freely without having to compete with the sound from your headphones is a powerful experience.
I don’t always need something to keep my mind company while I’m alone. Sometimes, keeping solitude company is the best option.