Want More Friends? Stick to Yourself

The best way to have a good social life is to keep to yourself.

Many people say that a good social life is essential to being happy. This may be true, but it is important to take time and reflect on what a good social life is. Many people argue that a hyper-social life is a good one, and while it can be, this isn’t healthy for every person. In fact, I would argue it isn’t healthy for anyone. While being extremely social and having a large number of friends has its benefits, it also has its drawbacks, like prioritizing quantity over quality in relationships, resulting in a shallow and unfulfilling social life. Being hyper-social  can also be mentally and emotionally draining for people. I personally am an introvert and have a social battery that drains faster the more social I am. While I do need to take time for myself to recharge, this doesn’t mean a good social life is impossible.

It is equally valid to detach socially and spend time alone. This allows for the opportunity for self-reflection and to connect authentically with others. Life is complex, and you need to take the time to digest. When you reflect, you learn more about yourself as a person. You can think about how you feel about a certain situation, and why. You can think about something you may not love about your personality and what you can do to change it. You can reflect on how certain experiences may affect your day to day. The possibilities of reflection are endless, but the outcome is a deeper understanding of yourself.

While it is already established that a good social life contributes to happiness, the key is to have a social life that works best for you. Knowing what kind of social life works for you as well as what kind of role you may play within your social circles is important. Taking the time to be on your own is the best way to learn about yourself and is also the best way to work on what type of role you want to play within your life.

Following up on that, the more time you spend with yourself and reflecting and understanding who you are, the more you will be able to connect authentically with yourself. In this day and age, it is incredibly easy and normal to be overwhelmed by others. With social media, you are at the disposal of opinions from millions of people at any given time. With the ability to constantly be aware of the thoughts of others, it is important to be grounded in who you are. Of course, it is valid to be open to change, but we shouldn’t be so subject to change and the thoughts of others that we don’t speak or act on our own thoughts. It isn’t possible to connect with others authentically if you are not first connected with yourself. By spending quality time with yourself, you can be secure in who you are and will not feel the need to conform to others. By being more in tune with yourself, you can create the authentic connections needed for a social life that truly works for you.

While I feel that keeping to yourself and having quality time with yourself is beneficial for your social life, it is important to not take this to the extreme. You should still put yourself out there (even if it may make you uncomfortable) and try to connect with others. This may be going out of your way to say hi to a new person every day or trying a new activity and, in turn, meeting new people and developing those authentic connections.

What’s important here is knowing yourself! Know what is the right balance of social and alone time for yourself, what is the right distance outside of your comfort zone, and understanding that making authentic connections are better than establishing as many as possible in the name of having a good social life. So take the time to be friends with yourself and the right friends will come.