You’re at the bar with your best friend. The two of you are scouting out the area, sipping on a mixture of vodka and some unknown juice, when your friend sneakily whispers to you, “Code red, that puppy’s ready to be brought home!”
Before you can process this phrase and question why there would be puppies at a bar, your friend gestures to the “Code red puppy”—the tall guy standing by the speakers with spiked hair and a blue shirt. You don’t necessarily think he’s that attractive, but you would like to help your friend pick up a puppy, er, the cute boy at the bar.
In this kind of situation, what should you do? This is a classic situation in which your friend needs you to be a wing woman. But how do you do it? Fear not! Other women have winged successfully, and a few of them shared their stories with HC.
Jeanette Elstein, University of Pennsylvania senior who has been referred to as the “lucky charm” wing woman, was a wing woman throughout her semester abroad. In fact, she’s even done it by accident. “Sometimes I didn’t realize I was winging until everything was already underway,” she said. And in some cases, it was more an issue of attracting a group of guys to chat with her and her friends. But in some instances, it was too successful. “I had to stick around this German club until 6 a.m. one morning because [my friends] were both hooking up and talking to guys, and I couldn’t leave them there.”
What does it take to be successful, you ask? Jeanette advises that you find a common interest to link a friend to their crush. So if the crush is a diehard classical music aficionado, be sure to mention how your friend has been studying opera performance for the past ten years (but only if it’s actually true). Jeanette adds that it has to be, “opportunistic, almost accidental.”
Translation: you and your friend probably shouldn’t pounce on your target, beat your chests or even walk up to him with a purpose. It’s better to work your way towards where he’s sitting or standing and strike up a conversation. But in some scenarios, you might already know the guy your friend’s been eyeing. If that’s the case, Penn junior Yessenia Gutierrez recommends you introduce the two parties. “It’s not just talking people up,” she said. “It’s also introductions.”
And that’s another important point: make sure to talk your friend up. As Yessenia points out, the wing woman is generally going to be more relaxed and able to highlight her friend’s assets. Meanwhile, the friend might be too shy or smitten to talk about herself. “It works because it makes things less awkward and more comfortable,” she said. “Since you don’t like the guy, you can just be yourself and talk up your friend, who you already like.”
Despite popular belief, the job of a wing woman isn’t just relegated to parties, bars and other places that serve alcohol. You can be a wing woman anywhere! Yessenia often plays wing woman at events. In fact, it sometimes works better when you’re in an environment that encourages talking. She once tried to introduce two people at a party, but the music was so loud they couldn’t hear each other. “It didn’t work well,” she admits.
Now that you’ve successfully brought “Code red” and your bestie together, and they seem to be hitting it off and chatting away about their shared interest in antique music boxes, what should you be doing next? It’s easy: you get lost. Erin Meanley wrote in a post for Glamour that she continuously excused herself to the bathroom while her friend Betsy was hitting it off with Erik. If it’s getting late and you need to leave, pull your friend aside and ask what she’d like you to do. It’s safer to make sure your friend leaves with you—remind her that “Code red” can ask her for her number. But if she chooses to stay, Meanley thinks it’s okay to just text her the next morning.
Either way, Yessenia urges that we should all be wing women. “It’s fun!” she remarked. Meanwhile, Jeanette presses that you shouldn’t over-do it, or your friends might take it for granted. We agree—it’s easy to get used to having a friend help you land guys, especially if she’s an expert. So if you’re friend “wings” you, make sure to “wing” her back!