Her Campus at U Ottawa acknowledges that we are located on the stolen and unsurrendered land of the Algonquin people.
I started listening to Brockhampton in high school. I first heard about them through my friends and had seen posts about their songs here and there. However, I just never resonated with anything I heard from or about Brockhampton. It wasn’t until my senior year, when their fourth album Iridescence came out, that something just clicked; I got it. Everything made sense. All of my friends’ past remarks, the media’s praise—it all finally felt right. I spent the 2018-2019 school year listening to all of their albums on repeat.
Brockhampton songs have served as soundtracks to some of mu loveliest and most cherished memories. Now with the news of the group splitting, I feel like I’m being forced to part with certain elements of the adolescence I spent listening to their music. It feels so bizarre that so much time has passed. Confronting the fact that such important parts of my life have come and gone is such a bittersweet thing to do. So I thought I’d write about some of my favourite songs and memories from when I was a bit younger (although I recognize I’m literally in my 20s and still young) so we can go through the grieving process together.
“MICHIGAN” — ALL-AMERICAN TRASH
I made a whole new group of friends in my last year of high school, so I definitely put in the effort at the beginning of the year to get to know everyone well. One of my friends in particular lived on the other side of the school, so oftentimes after school, I would catch a bus and go over to their place. They were one of my closest friends throughout this year and I always looked forward to seeing them after a long day. Every time I went about my usual after-school routine of heading their way, I would put this song on. I tend to hyperfixate on music (thanks to my ADHD) and play the same song until I just get bored of it, but ultimately I’m grateful for this. My obsession with music really lets me ascribe memories and moments to certain songs; it makes it so in the future, I can relive moments by listening to certain songs. Although this specific song is heavier and sadder in its lyrical content, I found the melody nice to listen to at that time. Now, “MICHIGAN” just reminds me of new beginnings and the excitement of new relationships.
“BLEACH” — SATURATION III
There was a time in my life when I was hyperfixated on this song and would just play it everywhere I went. I played it on my way to school, on my way to meet friends on the weekend, and while running errands. It has a quality of feeling very “in-between” because of that: it feels like a transitionary song that I would play when going from one place to another. The song’s lyrics especially reflect that transitionary aspect as its lyrics raise questions of self-reflection, change, and of growth. All these qualities are characteristic of what I was feeling in grade 12: the year before the huge transition from high school to university. During the year of this looming transition, I often felt confused, trying to figure out who I was while experiencing huge changes and confusion about my future. This song is dearly special to me because it managed to capture the worries and struggles I was dealing with during that time.
“RENTAL” — SATURATION III
I heavily associate this song with one particularly gloomy day in the fall of my senior year. I was listening to it as I was making my way downtown to meet up with a friend, as we were going on a trip together and I was running terribly late meeting them. I didn’t really have the time to pay attention to switching my music, so this song just played over and over again. The song includes certain lyrics that almost have a theme of getting somewhere with someone by your side. These lyrics captured the bubbling excitement and the rush I felt that day of travelling for the first time alone with someone, and always remind me of those feeling every time I listen to them. Also, I really love Matt Champion. He’s my favourite member of Brockhampton and I think that he delivers some of his strongest verses in this song, making it my favourite Brockhampton song.
“TONYA” — iridescence
This song legitimately kills me every single time I listen to it. It starts off with the melody of the song being played on the piano, and its notes have a higher pitch that takes on a piercing quality. The song is extremely sad in comparison to the rest of Brockhampton’s often energetic discography. “TONYA” meditates on feelings of not being enough, of nothingness, and of loss. I used to listen to this song a lot during the winter of my senior year. I was at this point in my life where I was feeling immense and intense happiness with where I was in my life, and I felt so lucky with the company I kept that I became petrified of losing it. I kind of got into a rut at that point because I was hyperfixated on the idea that I would let my friends down one way or another. I was incredibly fragile then, too, which led to me looking for support from the people in my life. There was specifically one teacher who helped me tremendously, and their kindness and wisdom really helped me get through that winter. This song never fails to bring up thoughts of the tougher times during my senior year. Listening to “TONYA” always reminds me of the duality of the moments in our lives—things can be happy, sad, difficult, and easy all at the same time. These complex moments are some of the most beautiful ones we can experience.
“SUGAR” — GINGER
I used to play this song continuously in the summer of 2019 when I got off work. I worked at a small and busy café and was always beyond tired and sweaty once I finished my shifts. I would walk out of the café into the scorching heat, grab my bike, and put this song on. Making my way home, I would bike through the park, through the yellow sunlight of an afternoon in July, revelling in the feeling of wind blowing through my hair and clothes. On these bike rides, I would often think about how grateful I was to be able to go home and have nothing to stress about. “SUGAR” always reminds me of those initial moments of relief from the cooling summer breeze and the sweetness of being 18 years old during the summer after high school.
I’m honestly quite upset with the news of Brockhampton’s breakup, but just like with most things in life, things change. People change and people grow, sometimes together and sometimes apart, and I believe that Brockhampton’s music has always properly communicated these struggles. Brockhampton has always expressed the difficulties of growing up and coming into yourself in such an honest and emotional way that is unique to their group. I will always hold their music close, as it has helped me navigate through my adolescence and now allows me to remember the moments that have shaped me.