Relationships: they come and go until you find that one person that’ll be around for the long haul. And unlike our favourite fairy tales, most of us don’t find our person on the first try; we have to go through a few tests runs first. But with the end of a relationship comes the infamous breakup talk, and there exists a relatively long list of breakup phrases. I’m sure you’ve witnessed — or even lived — a few of them: “It’s not you, it’s me”, “I just don’t know who I am yet”, “We’re headed in different directions”, “This could never work in the long term”, the list goes on and on. Don’t get me wrong, these are all fine reasons for ending a relationship, but there’s one reason in particular that I don’t find to be very valid. Whether you’ve said it, seen it, or heard it, you may have some thoughts about this sentence: “They were the right person, but it was the wrong time”.
First, let’s ask ourselves the obvious question, “Why would it be the wrong time?” In most cases, the wrong time means that there’s something holding you (or your partner) back, like space needed for self-improvement, some kind of unfinished business, or the inability to move forward and consider next stages.
Timing is a funny concept, mainly because there isn’t the ‘perfect’ time to do anything, really. Humans can do a lot of incredible things, but it’s impossible for us to look into the future. The reality is that we don’t know exactly how the next month, year or decade will play out for us. So, with that, how could we ever know what the perfect time to do anything is? Short answer: we don’t. We just do it. Many of us (myself included) are guilty of waiting for the perfect opportunity to jump onto something. And whether that’s completing an assignment or pursuing a passion, we let time dictate our actions. Why? Because we find comfort and safety in placing our lives in the hands of time rather than in our own. Harsh, I know. But I think it’s a pretty valid point.
Timing can be everything, but it can also be nothing. Time might simply act as an excuse for something you don’t want to do. Apart from some cases where your physical and emotional energy is required to resolve trauma or heartache, the issue in a relationship is rarely time. It’s also rarely space. It’s just us. And by issue, I don’t mean that there’s a problem with us, but I mean that we (individuals — you or the other person) are the reason it didn’t work out. But that’s okay! The reason could simply be that the two of you just don’t mesh well together, that you have different values or beliefs, or it could be a million other things, but it almost never has anything to do with time. The truth is, if we meet someone who blows everything out of the water, we’d do everything we could to be with them; in which case, the issue of timing is negated.
This might sound a bit harsh, but nonetheless true: saying that we met the right person at the wrong time is really just a cop-out way of saying that that person wasn’t the right person. When we say this, we try to fool our minds into holding onto a person or situation that was never meant to be. So, if you’re blaming timing for your relationship not working out, it’s very probable that you were just with the wrong person. Something we often forget is that wrong people aren’t going to be in our lives forever, because eventually they will drift (be it emotionally or physically). Letting go of the wrong person is perfectly normal, and in most cases, it’s actually better for you in the long run. Remember that the only reason you would ever drift from the seemingly ‘right person’ is if they were actually the wrong person, which then means that the right person is out there, you just have to find em’.
When you meet the right person, it doesn’t matter if it isn’t the ‘right time’, because that person will turn the wrong time into the right time. It’s as simple as that; the right person is timeless. The right person won’t make you question whether or not you want to be with them. The right person will be with you without ever glancing backwards. The right person won’t make you wonder ‘what if’. The right person will vanish time or make it irrelevant, at minimum. And as long as they’re contributing to your genuine happiness and growth, everything else can be worked around.
It really is quite straightforward (and cheesy, yes); when you know, you know. And timing won’t change that. It’s never the wrong time to meet the right person. I feel like when you meet the right person, time becomes insignificant and it’s about feeling more than anything else. It’s about connection. Love. Even more, you don’t have to think about making it work, it just does. It should feel right, because the right person will always be right. So, if anything feels wrong, it probably is.