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If you have browsed through random blogs on the internet lately, chances are you may have come across an entry containing a list of things you should or should not do in your 20s. Typical titles of these lists are “19 things to stop doing in your 20s” or “30 ways to make your 20s better”. Though they mean to provide friendly wisdom (such as travelling, falling in love, or never turning down an open bar), the growing number of such lists published suggests that there may be something more to them. One of the biggest fears of being in our 20’s is that the decisions we make will lead us to places we don’t want to be. So perhaps these lists offer some kind of an answer for people who can’t help but question whether they are living their 20’s ‘the right way’.
For the many 20-somethings who are unsure of the path they seek to forge in life, it can be comforting to be provided with a list of ready-made goals tailored specifically to their age group.
Each time they are able to check an off an item, they can breathe a sigh of relief at feeling closer to fulfilling the preconceived ideals of the ‘successful 20s’. This growing anxiety people feel to accomplish a certain number of things, by an increasingly younger age, are potential symptoms of what is known as the ‘quarter-life crisis.’
The quarter-life crisis, according to the British Psychological Society, is similar to the mid-life crisis because both stem from feelings of insecurity, uncertainty, anxiety, and even depression. These emotions are common amongst people going through a major transitory phase in their life, and the transition into ‘adulthood’ can be a looming, scary prospect for people in their 20’s. While some find it a fairly easy process, others have a much more difficult time during this phase. Some may cling fiercely to the idea of ‘youth’, which they feel is being replaced by the ‘adult’ world of responsibilities. Others don’t necessarily fear the transition, instead, they become stressed by trying to figure out how exactly to become an adult.
Though the 20’s are noted as an age of fun and adventure, they do come with intense pressures that are unique from the pressures of previous generations. Competing with millions of other graduates for one’s first ‘real’ job, paying off the huge debts that students are often saddled with upon graduation, taking the time to find a job related to one’s field of study, and balancing relationships adds up to quite a heavy load.
On top of these more ‘practical’ pressures is the idea that we need to have life-changing travels in our 20’s because by the time 30 rolls around, we are expected to be established with homes, careers, and stable relationships. In a study conducted by Dr. Oliver Robinson, lead researcher of the quarter-life crisis, 86% of the 1,100 young people surveyed admitted that they feel immense pressure to succeed in their relationships, finances, and jobs before hitting 30. But when did 30 become the cut-off age for having adventures? Those of us who choose to pursue formal education for a chunk of our 20’s questions whether maybe we should have used these years to work or go travelling instead. Those of us that choose to either travel or work question whether formal education should have been pursued instead. Though there are clearly a number of various lifestyles for people in their 20s, the point remains that at an age where we are expected to make big, life decisions, there is the tendency to panic that maybe we are making the wrong ones. We can’t help but worry that the things we have chosen to dedicate ourselves to are fulfilling us less than other pursuits would have. This comes with the danger that our focus stays fixed on lamenting about the grass being greener elsewhere, instead of tending to our own ‘landscapes’.
The media is perhaps one of the largest propagators of the quarter-life crisis because it plays such a big part in our everyday lives. It is hard for people to avoid comparing themselves to the images projected from outlets such as movies or television shows. “’The media trumpets the success of twentysomethings. People think they have to do something big by the time they are 25 rather than 45”, says Alexandra Robbins, co-author of the book Quarterlife Crisis: The Unique Challengers of Live in Your Twenties. But it’s not just the comparison of our lives to fictional characters that plays a factor. Social networking sites, such as Facebook, provide us with a feeling of connectivity along with the ability to more easily measure ourselves against our own peers.
In the movie Lost in Translation, Scarlett Johansson portrays a young woman in the midst of a quarter-life crisis.
While people going through a state of intense doubt often feel isolated, it is important to remember that the quarter-life crisis is something that a lot of people in their 20’s experience, in one way or another. Social networking proves to be of help in this respect, since you need only search the Twitter hashtag ‘#quarterlifecrisis’ in order to realize that millions of people around the world are looking to connect with others regarding their struggles. “Unlike the midlife crisis, the quarterlife crisis is not widely recognised. There are no ‘experts’ to help us. We have no support apart from each other”, writes Damian Barr, author of the book Get it Together: A Guide to Surviving Your Quarterlife Crisis.
The best advice that can be given for combating the blues of the quarter-life crisis is to embrace the crisis. 80% of the respondents in Dr. Robinson’s study said that their quarter-life crisis was a good thing. According to the survey, the ‘trapped’ feeling that the participants experienced eventually acted as a catalyst, which pushed them to strive and work for the life they really wanted. In this way, though the quarter-life crisis can be a period of major suffering, it can also be a gift when viewed from the angle of an optimist: If you are going through a quarter-life crisis, it probably means that you have the privilege of, in some way, choosing the life you wish to lead. There is no one “right way” to being in your 20s, so use your quarter-life crisis to your advantage and try to stop doubting yourself. Because in the end, the only person that can ensure you are satisfied with your life is you. And while the responsibility to choose what shape you wish to carve for yourself into the world is daunting, in the end it is a responsibility to be grateful for.
Photo credits:
http://www.theworldinsmallhandfuls.com/category/maps/page/2/
http://wide-wallpapers.net/scarlett-johansson-lost-in-translation-wide-wallpaper/
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