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Hey Holly,

I’ve been with my partner for six months and I want to ask them if they have been tested for an STD / STI as I am a very safe person and would like to know. Would this be too intrusive at this point in our relationship?


Better Safe Than Sorry

Dear Better Safe Than Sorry,

You have the right to ask your partner to get tested at any stage of a relationship. It’s a matter of communication and honesty, without those two qualities there is a problem. So, you’re also allowed to ask that person if he/she has been tested before. If the answer is yes, you can ask him/her to redo the test, because a lot could have changed since the latest result (hope not) However, I am not telling you that it’s going to be an easy task since it’s a difficult and sensitive subject. If the topic of having sexcontact hasn’t been brought up into any of your conversations, maybe you should wait since it’s not a priority yet in your relationship, but if both of you are thinking of starting to get intimate it’s the first thing you should talk about.

Another important topic is to talk about your sexual history, so each person knows where they stand. I am not saying that you need to know the exact number of partners they had, but to know if they once had an STD / STI. Again, it is a sensitive subject to bring up, but every couple has to go through that process. If you don’t want to hurt the person’s feelings, you can tell them that you will get tested as well so it’s fair. The partner will see that you care about your own sexual health as well and isn’t afraid to reveling it to him.

Some things to take into consideration:

1. If you didn’t know, it can take six months for STD symptoms to manifest, so sometimes the test may not be accurate. That’s why it is still recommended to use condoms afterward.

2. It’s also important to discuss the results with your significant other ASAP if you have caught something. It may be shocking to learn that you or your partner have contracted something, but the main thing is not to blame one or the other because your partner may not have known since some STDs don’t have symptoms. Be supportive.

3. Nowadays, most STD/STIs can be treated, you just have to talk to a doctor and get informed about the best treatment, so you can prevent passing it on to others.Wait until you finish your treatment before getting active again

4. If your partner doesn’t want to get tested, he/she might be hiding something or isn’t ready to talk about it. Wait, a while to bring the subject up again and if it’s still a no, you tell them you are not comfortable doing anything before he/she gets tested.

All in all, if he really cares about you, he should not have a problem getting tested if that’s what you want. Hope everything works out for you!



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