Hey Holly: Finding My Girl on Tinder

Hey Holly,

I have been dating the same girl for a couple of months now and recently one of my friends told me that they saw my girl on Tinder! My friend screen-shotted her profile to show me. I’m pretty upset that she would be using this app when she’s with me. Do you think I should talk to her about this even though we haven’t had “the talk” about becoming official?

Sincerely,

Tired of Tinder

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Hi Tired of Tinder,

First of all, I want to congratulate your friend for being awesome and having your back! That’s great. Secondly, I want to tell you that YES I think you should talk to her about this! Let me tell you why:

Your emotions are telling you something. You seem to be pretty distraught over the fact that your girl is using Tinder which tells me that you probably like her a lot. If you have these feelings for her, it’s imperative that you talk to her to see what’s going on. After all, this could all be a big misunderstanding! She could have had Tinder before you got together and she just hasn’t deleted her profile since getting with you. Secondly, I’ve known a couple or two to have Tinder accounts for the fun of it (they don’t actually meet up with anyone but they use it to find their friends- it’s more of a joke). Perhaps your girl is on it for one of these reasons.

Or…. she’s on it to meet other guys… If this is the case, you would want to know wouldn’t you? The only way you’ll know for sure is if you bring it up to her.

Now, I know this isn’t a conversation that sounds like fun, but it’s the only way you‘ll know for sure what’s going on. The next time you are hanging out with her, casually bring up that your friend saw her profile on Tinder. Give her a chance to explain why she would be on the dating app. If she doesn’t offer up an explanation, ask her what her being on Tinder means for you and her. Be honest and tell her how it made you feel to see her on the site. This is also a great opportunity to lay some ground rules from this point on in your relationship. I’m not saying you have to DTR (define the relationship) but I am saying that it’s smart if you two decide on some ground rules. If you’re going to continue seeing each other, maybe consider the following:

1. While you’re not committing to a relationship – go over the rules of seeing other people. Is this a no-no or can you mingle?

2. Are you both on the same page? Think ahead 6 months or a year. Do you still see yourself with this girl and in a more committed relationship, the same as now or not together at all? If you can’t see a future with her, maybe it’s time to cut her loose. However, if she’s worth the fight, how can you work on growing together as a couple in the future?

Good luck!

HCXO,

Holly

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