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Hey Holly!

I’m very single at the moment and I would love to find a guy who’s just my type. I spend most of my time studying on campus or at coffee shops and if I’m not doing that or a social event (sometimes rare), I’m enjoying my time alone with Netflix or a book. I don’t get out much – I did at one point because I wanted to meet someone but I never did! I’m not too picky but I do feel as if I never attract the attention of the guys that could potentially interest me. What can I, as well as any other woman in my situation, do?

Thanks Holly!

Dear Very Single,

I understand completely where you’re coming from, as do most women at some time in their lives. What I would really like to preface before answering your question is that having a relationship or a boy that is interested in you is not worth worrying over. I have worried over countless boys who were so painfully unworthy of my time and effort. Going out of your way for a boy just to change your status will not fix whatever you think needs fixing right now.

Moving right along from my tough love, the next thing I am going to tell you is probably the most annoying thing to hear as a single girl: it will happen when you least expect it. I am so sorry for the cliché, it hurts me to write, just as must as it hurts you to read. I have received that same advice from my mom, my friends, my friend’s moms, literally everyone that came in contact with me that was already in a happy relationship. Everyone basically told me the less I give a hoot about being single and accept it, is the moment I will meet someone. This advice made my blood boil because yeah, sure, they could say that, they weren’t perpetually single! But, you know what the most frustrating of it all was? They were right, every single last one of those wise-asses were right.

Putting yourself out there and enjoying your alone time is one thing, but really and truly connecting with yourself and completely disregarding thoughts about wanting to meet a guy, for some infuriating reason, are the exact energy waves the universe needs in order to fill your path with a special person. You really do require a headspace in which your own company is what makes you content, and a man will only be a really cool bonus to your life at this point.

The second best piece of advice I can give you is if you really want to take the bull by the horns (the bull being your dating life), talk to boys. It’s that simple. If you’re in a coffee shop or on campus studying and you see a boy that may interest you, have the gumption and confidence to actually go up to him and see if he will interest you further. That’s the only way you’re going to find out. You can’t spend your days waiting for someone that may interest you to come up to you if you’re the one wanting to find someone, it doesn’t work like that unfortunately.  Sure, maybe you watch romantic comedies where they spot each other in Starbucks and they accidentally switch drinks and then fall in love and then have babies. But, in reality we live in a world where a great number (if not all…) of boys of university age do not approach women: (a) in broad daylight, (b) without any of their friends, or (c) in quiet places where if they get rejected other people can hear. That’s the truth of it, that’s why things like Tinder exists, or why guys prefer to slide into your DM’s, they’re scared of rejection, as are most of us.

I know the advice I gave you would, for most girls, be difficult and maybe a littler frustrating to hear. I’m sorry that I don’t have groundbreaking advice, but be you, be great, be confident, be smart and be the best human you can be. Whoever is for you, will be for you and nobody else, and they won’t come any quicker or slower than they should, don’t get discouraged.

Hope this helps.

Love, Holly


Need advice, but don’t know who to ask? Submit your love/relationship/student life questions to Her Campus U Ottawa’s advice columnist Holly! Submit your question here: Hey Holly Question Form

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