Though this story starts on a romantic note, it is obvious by the title of this article that the ending is not quite so heart warming.
This is not about discussing the ethicality behind abortion. It was the best decision I could make for the baby and I given my not so-ready-for-motherhood situation. University student with barely any income, prime time right? Not.
In fact, even though the father and I dated for quite some time and he was financially stable, we got pregnant post-breakup. I do believe that when a woman gets pregnant, both the father and the mother are as responsible for the baby even though she is the one carrying it. It took two to create the baby. But when the couple doesnât have the partnership they previously had, how can you go back and say there’s a baby on the way?
The reasoning behind our initial breakup doesnât truly matter, because the fact was that he did not want to be with me. I did what many women do after a guy breaks up with them; The pathetic begging, the crying and the bitching. Seriously. I made all the mistakes possible! I laugh about it now, but it truly was cringe-worthy. Nonetheless, one month later and there we are, bumping into each other at a bar. One thing led to another and next thing I know, Iâm pregnant.
It doesnât matter that he always said heâd be there for me, that I could always lean on him and that weâd always be âfriendsâ. He certainly didnât want a family with me and I wasnât about to drop the B-bomb on him because;
- I knew heâd try to convince me to keep it because he doesnât believe in abortion.
- Who wants to raise a child with someone who feels forced to be a father?
I loved him but he didnât love me back. Good enough reason to keep it from him? I still wonder. I donât know the correct answer to that question because, such as abortion, everyoneâs personal situation differs and impacts what the right thing to do is.
In 2010, close to 29,000 reported abortions were performed in Ontario (CIHI, 2010). The majority was between the age of 20 and 24 years old. People truly underestimate the number of women who need to make this heart wrenching decision to end the beginning of a life. It was by far one of the worse things Iâve done, and I try not to think about the other outcomes that could of came out of it. Abortion is painful and extremely uncomfortable, not to mention the heavy flow of blood that follows. Fortunately, there arenât any protestors waiting to shame you in front of the center as some movies and shows would suggest. I think the worse part was the loneliness of having to be alone during the procedure. If you work, you might want to take a few days off to recuperate. Â
However, I do not regret my choice of having an abortion. Nurses greet you at the center and ensure nobody is pressuring you to go through the abortion. As much as I was torn, I knew the right decision for everyone, but most importantly for myself, was to get an abortion. I was not ready to be a mother.
Everyone has different experiences and feel differently about their choice. Doing it again, I would still get an abortion, but I cannot deny the emotional impact it had on me. I felt emotionally weak for quite some time, near depression, but I luckily had a strong friend who supported me and helped me get through it. Social support is important, especially if the father isnât present to reassure you.Â
The most important thing I learned from this experience is that we are not alone. Many women go through this decision process and there is nothing wrong with abortion or even keeping the child. Both decisions come with important consequences (good or bad) that we need to live with for the rest of our lives. Our lives could go in two very opposite directions and we need to be ok with the one we choose. It doesnât matter what our best friend thinks. We literally only live once, so make the decision that is best for you.
Finally, the message I really want to send out to all women who might be going through a situation similar to mine is that there should be no shame in having an abortion. Do not feel guilty about your decision. Many say abortion is traumatic, when in fact going through pregnancy is a trauma in itself and abortion could be the correct solution in your case.
âDonât have sex, because you will get pregnant⊠and dieâ â Coach Carr, Mean Girls
But seriously kids, wear condoms and use contraceptives!
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Sources
CIHI: Canadian Institute for Health Information
Picture CreditsÂ