So you’re in a long distance relationship. You may have just entered into one because you’ve decided to do long distance with your high school boyfriend or girlfriend, or you could be well into your university years and are still dealing with a love a few thousand miles away from you.
Regardless of your situation or how you got into your situation, it’s going to be difficult. Is long distance the wrong distance? I’m not here to tell you how to “survive” a long distance relationship, or how to make it work. I won’t tell you whether or not it’s worth it, either. But I’ve read all of the advice columns, the blogs posts, and watched the YouTube videos. They all have the same generic tips, which may not work for everyone. It all comes down to how you and the other person in your relationship feel. Different things are going to work for different relationships because they’re not all the same.
There are going to be a lot of people telling you horror stories of failed long distance relationships, or trying to discourage you from “wasting” your time at university on someone you can’t be with. Just because you can’t be with someone at the moment, doesn’t mean you’re not going to be able to be with him or her in the future. Most undergraduate degrees are four years, which in a life of (hopefully) 80 or so, isn’t very long if you already found the person you want to spend the rest of your time with.
Long distance relationships aren’t and will never be about whether or not it’s going to be easy, it’s about whether it’s going to be worth it. At one point you’re going to ask yourself: are they worth it? In all actuality, what are you giving up? Are they stopping you from having fun or the university experience you want? On the other side of the spectrum, if you gave them up, what would it be like? Would it make your university life better? Point-blank: it’s selfish to want to break-up with someone now, in hopes that you may find something better later. Besides, loyalty in any relationship shouldn’t be an opportunity-based trait.
I can say that in a long distance relationship it’s really simple to start acting greedy with your partner’s time. You may also feel some misplaced bitterness when walking around campus and seeing cute couples holding hands. The green monster on your back grumbling, “Why do they get to be together?” I may sound like your Mom or an 80’s pop song but the fact is love isn’t fair. I think distance will only show you what would have happened eventually had you been together. Proximity isn’t going to make two people who aren’t meant to work, work. In a similar fashion that distance isn’t going to ruin a relationship that’s meant to last.
If I can give you any sort of advice, let it be this: if someone ever says to you, “I like you but…”, “I love you but…”, “I want to be with you but…” or some derivative of that, run. What they’re really saying is: “I want you, but I want you when it’s convenient for me”, which isn’t love. It’s not much of anything. They’re trying to make your relationship convenient for them, and them alone.
It’s not your job, nor will it ever be your job to persuade someone to stay with you, or prove that you’re worth the wait. Love isn’t always convenient so don’t let someone convince you it is. You will not have to tell the right person, “I’m worth this” because they’ll know.
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