We all want to feel loved. Often times, when things are a little slow in the love department, we turn to the internet to help us find our perfect match. Although dating apps have a reputation, it’s very possible to find a new partner for whatever you’re looking for, you just have to be mindful of certain things to avoid heartbreak or disaster. As someone who likes to think they’ve experienced the good, the bad, and the absolutely call-the-cops crazy, here are some red flags to keep you in-check next time you swipe.
1. They ‘don’t have’ social media
Who is in the online dating realm and doesn’t have Facebook or Instagram, or even LinkedIn! Think about it, if somebody says “oh I don’t want social media” why would they sign up for an online social media dating app? If you ask me, it’s at least something to keep at the back of your mind while you keep getting to know them.
2. They tell you about “their crazy ex”
Okay, we’ve all had one or two of those for sure, but if you’ve only been talking for a month and they tell you everything that went wrong in their past relationship without you asking, that’s gotta be a red flag. It probably means they’re either not ready for a relationship or there’s unnecessary drama in their life you don’t need to be involved in.
3. They want to meet at their house for the first date
Listen, I watch way too many crime shows where even when the people have been talking to them for six months, they still get kidnapped. Try meeting in a public place, even if it’s just a walk in the park, to get to know each other. On a more realistic note, aside from them possibly being a serial killer or kidnapper, if they want to meet at their house, it probably means they’re looking for a hookup and not an actual date. But if that’s what you’re looking for, by all means, proceed.
4. They only have one picture
Okay, so either they have low self-esteem and it’s their only good picture, they’re trying to catfish you with a really old picture of themselves, or it’s not a picture of them. Of course, the reasonable explanation is that they just “don’t take pictures of themselves” but who doesn’t even have a picture with friends? Although half the time they end up being the person in the group you didn’t expect them to be. But every phone has a camera, what’s stopping them from taking a quick one on the spot?
5. They don’t have a bio
Someone who is ready to talk to you meaningfully or who seriously wants to be on the app will at least tell you something about themselves. Do you really want to be with somebody who has nothing to say? Sure bios can be daunting and you have to think of something cool to say but come on.
6. Mentions anything with sexual overtones in their bio or within the first few messages
They don’t want you to want you, they want you for a hookup, as simple as that. Seems common sense but you wouldn’t believe the number of people who will brush it off as “Oh they’re just being charming and funny”. If a hookup is what you want, cool, but be aware they’re not looking to bring you home to mom anytime soon.
7. They dodge around the question “What are you looking for?”
If they can’t answer you or give you a complicated answer, they either don’t want you to know the answer or they don’t know what they want. Save yourself the time, if you know what you want, don’t settle for anything that isn’t that. We often have that romantic notion that “Oh once they spend more time with me they’ll want me how I want them” but the truth is we can’t change people and you’ll end up wasting your time. If you don’t set boundaries from the start, you’re in for a rude awakening.
8. They don’t ask a single personal question
It’s one thing to be shy and not know what to say but they can’t ask anything beyond “What do you study/do for a living” it’s not going anywhere. If you’re the one asking the questions and you notice that you know more about them than they have asked about you, it’s time to leave.
In conclusion, we are the only animals stupid enough to not listen to our fight or flight senses. It’s fine giving people chances and wanting to see the good in them but if something doesn’t feel right, speak up or do something. Trust me, you won’t regret putting your needs first.