The 60’s had psychedelic drugs, peace signs and protests, the 70’s had disco music, John Travolta and 8-track tape players, while the 80’s was home to boom boxes and break dancing. And what exactly our generations claim to fame? Ravers and EDM dominate the youth culture today, and we may have just made it the stupidest generational fad yet.
1. There is no talent required: It’s no secret anymore. The amount of skill needed to be an EDM DJ is precisely none. Don’t believe me? One of the genres biggest stars, Deadmau5, explained that all the knob-turning that goes on at a “live” show is a sham, and that if you’re remotely tech savvy he could teach you to do his show in a half hour. Some could compare the “skill” of being a DJ these days to simply pressing play.
2. Stupid DJ names: It seems like every day there’s a new up and coming EDM artist, but I can’t help but notice that many DJ’s titles sound like names for big scary dildos. Afrojack, Max Enforcer, Dirtyphonics, Hardwell, Incfected Mushroom, Knife Party… The list goes on.
3. Every song sounds the same: Some people may be quick to point out that although their shows may be a charade filled with excessive strobe lights, it takes real talent to make an awesome dance track. Then please riddle me this, why does every damn song sound the same? Dubstep, house, electro, whatever genre it is, it’s nothing more than stupid music to pop some pills and get fucked up to. A good beat mixed with any combination of meaningless words will make any molly-popper lose their shit on the dance floor, which leads me to my next point…
4. Drugs are the only reason it’s popular: If you can’t go to a show without snorting, popping or smoking as much drugs as humanly possible, maybe it’s time to take a step back and see the bigger picture… The music just isn’t that good. I think I could play Rebecca Black for a room full of Mollied-up ravers and they would have the time of their lives. Maybe, just maybe, it’s not the music that is so sick and awesome, it’s the high.
5. Finding Molly: Molly is guaranteed to be the biggest name at any show you’ve gone to in the past few years, no matter who the DJ. MDMA and Molly are two different things. If you know how to use google you know what MDMA is. Molly however, is completely different because the user can never quite be sure what they’re taking. The anonymous powder can be laced with anything from heroin to crystal meth. Overdoses are a common occurrence and death is too frequently the end result. Perhaps it’s time to lose molly…Forever.
6. Furry boots: I can’t seem to wrap my head around why girls decide to waste upwards of $40 on furry boots that make them look like they skinned and dyed their household pet and are now wearing it on their shins. Frankly, you just look like you have an animal fetish, and that isn’t cute.
7. Oh so sweaty: It’s no surprise that after all that jumping, screaming and fist pumping you get very, very, very sweaty. And I don’t mean your run of the mill average sweat that you get on at the gym. You are soaking wet and your hair and makeup make you look like you just crawled out of the deepest darkest sewer in Vanier. Worst of all you’re not even 100% sure that half of this sweat even belongs to you after rubbing up on countless other sweaty bodies within the last few hours.
8. Unknowingly robbing the cradle: Many of these shows are all ages, meaning that you can never be quite sure if the guy you’re getting a shoulder ride from is 26 or 16. Some may be into that, but it’s personally not my cup of tea… I prefer to ride someone my own age.
9. Waste of funds: Many of these shows can cost anywhere upwards of $50 to see a DJ fiddle with some knobs. The ticket is pricey, the drugs are pricey, the furry boots and neon attire are pricey and last but certainly not least, they jack up the price of water. That is a basic human necessity and I think it’s pretty fucked up to pay $10 for a bottle of Dasani just because they know if you don’t get some H2O you may shrivel up and die.
10. If you’ve been to one rave, you’ve been to them all: Variety is essentially non-existent in a ravers world. Dress up, do drugs, rave, repeat. The schedule stays the same, no matter the DJ. I guess some of us have found what we like and are sticking to it, but I personally enjoy a little more spice in my life.