Because absence makes the heart grow fonder.
When I told people I was doing a long-distance relationship, their reactions ranged between grimaces and pitying smiles.
“That’s so hard.”
“Are you sure?”
“Do you think it’ll even last?”
I won’t lie, a huge part of me agreed with their pessimistic outlooks. We would be sixteen hours apart with 10,000 miles between us, and no idea when we’d be in the same place again. Throw in the fact that I’m a huge overthinker, this is my first boyfriend, and my top love language is physical touch? Yeah, it was terrifying with a capital T.
It makes sense why LDRs get a bad rep. People see them as this slow emotional torture that ends in disaster. And in full transparency, the first two months for me were rough. Like questioning-everything-crying-at-random rough.
But hot take? It’s not all bad. In fact, long-distance turned out to be one of the most transformative things I’ve gone through. I’m learning how to love differently, communicate better, and most importantly, become my own person.
Here’s what no one tells you about LDRs:
1. You Get your time, energy and independence back
Being in love while living in separate cities or time zones forces you to build a life that isn’t orbiting around someone else. I didn’t realise how co-dependent I was or how much time was spent with my partner until he left. The absence scared me at first, but slowly started to feel almost freeing.
Without the constant presence of your partner, you figure out how to make yourself laugh, how to structure your days, how to cope with hard things alone. You start to realize your relationship isn’t your whole identity. It’s one part of a full, complex, and growing self.
Relationships take energy. When you’re in one IRL, a lot of your time naturally gets spent around your partner: hanging out, making plans, texting back instantly. With distance, you can just be, without constantly checking in or coordinating schedules. For instance, I joined new clubs, dived more into creative hobbies, and started saying yes more to spontaneous plans. You become your own person, and that version of you is someone you’re proud to introduce to your partner.
2. You Discover New Ways to Love
LDRs force you to get creative. When you can’t just rely on physical closeness to feel connected, you start finding other ways to express love. Voice memos, love letters, FaceTime dates where you both cook the same meal—these little rituals mean a lot!
You begin to realize that love isn’t just kisses and cuddles. It’s showing up emotionally, even when it’s inconvenient. It’s intentionally carving out time in our busy lives to listen to each other’s day, or even just a small message when your partner is asleep. It’s saying, “I’m here” without being physically there and still having that mean something.
Doing long distance taught me that love is less about proximity and more about presence.
3. You Build Deep Emotional Intimacy
Being in the same place can sometimes make couples skip the hard stuff. You’re hanging out, watching movies, cuddling – why ruin the vibe with a big talk? But in LDRs, talking is all you have.
You get really good at communication. Like REALLY good. I had to quickly learn how to be intentional with my words, listen, and figure out how to navigate miscommunication without relying on a hug to smooth things over.
My partner and I learned each other’s triggers, communication styles, evolving dreams, and anxieties in a way that felt like emotional puking. It was raw and sometimes messy, but it built a connection that was solid.
Long-distance isn’t for everyone. It’s text messages here and there, mismatched schedules, and missing someone so much it physically aches. And if I had a choice, I wouldn’t choose to do LDR. But it taught me more about romance than anything else ever has. If anything, it’s a crash course in real, grown-up love – the kind that can handle space, change, and challenge.
So if life pulls you and your person in different directions, don’t panic. If you lean into it instead of fearing it, you just might find out that distance isn’t the end of your love story. It could be the beginning of something way more intentional.