College is an insane, packed, stressful part of life. But, it is also a time to learn lessons, have revelations, and learn things about yourself. Here are some things I’ve been thinking about over the past few weeks, and maybe something that can help you learn about yourself too.
Being busy
I’ve always considered myself a busy person. In high school, I was a representative of the Student Leadership Executive Board, the Editor-in-Chief of my school newspaper, a volleyball player, babysitter and so much more. But, arriving at college changed the concept of being busy for me. Does being busy mean being in a lot of classes? How many clubs do I need to join? Do I need to feel tired all the time to feel fulfilled? These are all real thoughts that have entered my mind in the past few months. Additionally, having friends who are involved in a lot of extracurriculars has made me constantly compare myself to others. But, through these issues, I have learned that being busy means something different to everyone, and can be different on different days. The key is finding balance. So, if I know I have class from 11:30am until 5:30pm on Tuesdays, I won’t join a club that meets Tuesday night. I attend the sorority events that fill my cup, and not ones that make it overflow. By finding a balance between bored and overworked, my life is fulfilling, not exhausting.
The unspoken pressure of finding friendship
Another idea circulating my mind recently is the expectation to have the perfect friend group as soon as possible. After joining a sorority, I thought I would instantly meet my friends for life. First semester, finding like minded friends proved to be difficult, and I thought that joining my sorority would give me instant friends. In reality, the first few weeks of being in a sorority were overwhelming and lonely. It felt like a competition of who was going to find friends first, a race to fit in. I had lunch with a sophomore who quickly calmed my nerves telling me she also had such a hard time in the beginning that she booked a flight home to New York to escape the madness. After about a month in Chi O, I can finally say I feel like I am beginning to find my people, and am proud to have found them the organic way, not by posting people I barely know online or finding the group of girls who have the most connections to a frat. Making friends is not easy, and can often be harder the older you get. By being patient and knowing it takes time it will all pay off in the end.
Social media is fake
Social media is everywhere. In college more than ever, the fun of each event is equated to how cute the TikTok is, how aesthetic the Instagram post is, and how many likes you get. I remember opening my phone the morning after bid day to posts of girls in every sorority dancing, posing, and having a blast with their new sisters. My bid day was fun too, since I was excited to be in the sorority I had wanted since my sister opened her Chi O bid day card three years prior. Nonetheless, I was equally overwhelmed with the new environment and new faces. Looking at everyones posts the next morning, I remember feeling out of place. Was I the only one who thought last night was crazy?
A week later on Wednesday, we were urged to post a “Why Chi O Wednesday,” or a picture of us with our new sisters. I went to my camera roll and found the cutest picture from the week before: a digital picture of my sisters and I in matching outfits holding up the Chi O symbol. Without thinking, I pressed post and watched as likes rolled in. Honestly, it felt great to get so many likes and views on the post, and I went on with my day not thinking much of it. I had completely forgotten about it until one of my best friends brought it up, saying she didn’t feel like she had made a group of friends yet and seeing everyone post their “why” for their sorority made her feel bad. I felt horrible. I looked at the picture and realized I had no idea who the girls I had posted even were. It was all phoney.
Reflecting on this event made me realize that often, social media brings out the worst in us as people. I, myself, was having trouble making friends, and was constantly overwhelmed that I didn’t have a place in my new “home.” Why, then, would I want to make other people, let alone my best friend, feel like that too? Now, everytime I look at a post on social media, I remind myself of that story, and that whoever is behind the phone clicking the post, probably feels the same way I do. It is so important to put things in perspective, especially in college when everyone is feeling self conscious and insecure.
College is all about finding yourself and learning who you are. I urge you to put your lessons in writing, and think about what each experience you have taught you about yourself, and the people around you.