As finals season approaches and seasonal depression gets real, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t excited to go home for the holidays and to get away from campus for a bit. Truthfully, this semester (out of the four I’ve had at Michigan so far), has been the most challenging, for more reasons than just academics. I consider myself an anti-drama person; I hate when I am involved in any sort of drama, and I only want the best for those around me and for myself. So, when that does not happen, I become easily overwhelmed and stressed. That is exactly what happened this semester.
For me, at times I have felt that I have learned so much more about the world in terms of intuition, maturity, and learning how to become the ideal vision of yourself than academics while at college. Similarly, I have found myself becoming more mindful than ever, not only of other people and their needs but focusing on my needs, as well. For example, because of this semester, I found myself going to CAPS, a university mental health service, and I have been doing exponentially better. What I have also found is that there is definitely a stigma attached to mental health and that it is okay to NOT be okay. This has always been such a hard concept for me to grasp because as I walk through campus every day, it looks like everyone has their act together and everyone is fine. The truth is, I have come to the conclusion that many of us are good at covering our struggles, our worries, fears, and the constant thoughts of comparison that bubble to the surface of our thoughts. Of course, I cannot speak for everyone, but more times than not, my biggest battle has not been my academics, but my mentality-my mental health.
So, in relation to mental health and the upcoming holiday season, the greatest lesson I have learned this semester is that love does not only come in the form of a family or a relationship. After joining Zeta Tau Alpha this semester, one of the sayings from our creed that has always resonated with me is, “Love, the greatest of all things.” I slowly realized the validity of this as I was in bed for multiple days in a row, not eating, not doing work-nothing. The fact that I did not even want or attempt to get out of my own bed is saying something because I am a very restless person-I always have to be doing something and I naturally become bored relatively easily. So, while lying in my bed, feeling everything and nothing at all, I was not quite sure what to do at the time, because this was the point in the semester when everything seemed to hit me all at once, and I did not handle it well-I completely shut down and shut everyone out. But, what I am trying to say is that during this time, contrary to my “I need to get everything done NOW” mentality, I was able to reflect on the lessons I have learned through the difficulties that I was going through.
To continue, going back to the idea of love, during this time I realized that not everyone is meant to stay in your life, and you might have to let some people go. This was an incredibly painful concept for me to accept, but it was also during some of my darkest times that I realized there can be love in friendships, towards pets, towards YOURSELF, towards anything, really. So, during this holiday season, know that everything will be okay. Keep your loved ones close- I have also learned that love does not always have to be attached to family members. Love, I believe, is one of the universal truths: we all want to love and to be loved. And another thing is that I have realized that college can become a bubble; it is so easy to become focused on the people here, now, and to forget about everything that’s not directly on campus. Because of this, I have also learned that most everyone wants to know that they are cared about and loved. Reach out unexpectedly to people, become a light, spread love-but only when you have loved yourself first, care about the people that care about you. This is love-showing everything to someone and having them still accept you as who you are. Too many times, I have built up my walls so impossibly high and no one can get in. This goes back to not being afraid to ask for help, and not being afraid to love: it is okay to not be okay and it is okay to let our walls down.