Starting college, I told myself that it was time to find my people. A fresh start. The perfect opportunity to be the person I want to be and build friendships that feel fulfilling. But finding friendships that truly stick turned out to be harder than I expected. At the start of the semester, everyone seemed open and excited to meet new people. However, just a few weeks in, it felt like people started to close off, already having formed their groups. I was left wondering where I fit, and whether I had somehow missed my window.Â
That uncertainty is one of the main reasons I decided to go through sorority recruitment in the winter. It felt like a second chance. A way to make my huge college campus feel smaller and more manageable. Joining gave me access to an entirely new community. Still, after joining my sorority, it was hard not to see making friends as an impossible task yet again. Looking out at a sea of girls and trying to figure out who I truly connected with still felt overwhelming.Â
A big part of making friends seems to come down to how you present yourself. If you give off the “right” vibe, maybe you’ll make more connections. But this is easier said than done, especially in a sorority. There’s this subtle pressure to always be “on,” always be bright and bubbly, and always match the energy of those around you, even on days when that’s not naturally who you are.Â
It’s human to want to be liked. But I’ve started to realize that constantly adjusting myself to fit what I think others expect is actually working against me. As clichĂ© as it sounds, the advice to “just be yourself” is probably the advice I need to follow most. Stop trying to mold myself into someone more “likable” and stop subconsciously shaping my personality to match the room.
Because the hard truth is, I’ll never find the friendships I want if I’m not showing up as the truest version of myself.Â
I’ve also held onto something my older sister and her friends keep reminding me: it won’t feel like this forever. The first few weeks of sorority life are often a whirlwind. It’s easy to get swept up in the chaos and overanalyze every conversation and interaction. There’s something so strange about being surrounded by so many people who are likely feeling the same nerves, yet no one is honest enough to call it out. Everyone is trying to present their best self, even if that means putting on some kind of mask. That unspoken struggle can create an unexpected kind of loneliness, even amidst so many people.
What’s brought me comfort is realizing that I have time. The pressure to form lifelong friendships within the first couple of weeks of joining a sorority is unrealistic. And the more I talk to those who have been through it, the more I’m convinced that strong friendships just take a little bit of time. There are so many others who have felt the same pressure and eventually found their place. Nothing is ever quite as big as it feels in the moment. As long as I stay true to myself, I trust that I’ll end up exactly where I’m meant to be.