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How to Start the Winter Semester off on the Right Track…A Parody

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at U Mich chapter.

Warning: This is a parody do not follow these steps or you might not survive the semester!!!

blue notebook saying my secret plan to rule the world on cover with pink background
Pexels / Ann H


Step 1: Prepare

Prepare yourself for the mentally gruelling semester by binge-watching every classic Netflix series, starting off with You so that you have a conversation starter for that awkward first day of class. This also will give you the essential skills to properly stalk your classmates, without them knowing, instead of doing your homework. Don’t bother walking to your classes or looking to see what buildings they are in until the day of to get that perfect “just made it” timing.

Person pointing remote at a TV that is displaying Netflix

Step 2: Set Goals

Set unreasonable goals for yourself to keep busy and to get involved on campus. Sign up for multiple clubs, rush professional and social fraternities, and tell yourself that you have to workout every single day. Say that you will eat only healthy foods, aka just salads from the dining hall, and get sleep. Instead of following through with these goals, join absolutely nothing, eat french fries and mojo cookies for every meal, and stay up until 2 am watching Tiktoks for no good reason. You won’t feel bad about not following through with any of your goals because you can now tell yourself that you set yourself up for failure and no human could achieve these standards.

Step 3: Mindset

Make sure to keep a less than optimistic mindset to ensure that any hardships are expected and do not hit you harder than they should have in the first place. The best way to do this is to think that every class is going to be insanely difficult and that your GPA is going to plummet at the end of the year.

Utilize these three steps to have the best winter semester! Good luck!

Alcohol Girl Happy Drinking
Alex Frank / Spoon

Kristina is a sophomore at the University of Michigan, majoring in Communications. Her passion of writing has inspired Kristina to pursue a career in PR, Marketing, or Advertising.