How to Get Your Sh*t Together and Start Being a Real Person

We’ve all had that moment where we stop and ask ourselves, Am I living my best life? Typically, this happens when you catch your double-chinned reflection six Netflix episodes deep on a Tuesday night, but it can happen at any moment. No one is immune. That tiny voice in the back of your mind, asking yourself: When will my Cinderella moment come? When will my fairy godmother come and turn me into… a real person?

Well tiny voice, look no further 'cause it’s your fairy godmother, baby. Yeah, I know. I don’t have many sparkles and when I sing it sounds like a kitten in a blender, but my roommate just told me, “I don’t consider you a trash human,” so I’m what you’ve got. So sit down and listen up, cause there will be a quiz.

1. Start making to-do lists

I cannot stress enough how helpful these are. I have a special lil' notebook I write mine in every day, and the rush you get from crossing a task off is akin to when you open your lunchbox and see that your mom packed you two Fruit Rollups! To-do lists make sure you never forget a task, hold you accountable, and are a classic sign of a RealPerson ®. An easy way to get started is to write a list the night before for the next day, keeping in mind all school, personal, and extracurricular tasks that you need to do throughout the day. I like to put fun things on the list as well (like Walk Dog or Hang out with Sarah) to add a little variety. As you accomplish each task, cross it off of the list. Simple as that! If the list seems too daunting after you write it all out, put down some things you’ve already finished to get the ball rolling- I won’t tell anyone.

2. Figure out how to make one meal, and master it

No, grilled cheese doesn’t count. Or Ramen. I’m talking a full-on, at least three ingredients meal. You don’t have to get all Cutthroat Kitchen here, but having one meal ready means that if you ever have a date to impress, parents to persuade, or feel like getting fancy as f*ck some night, you’ll be prepared. Plus it’s hard to feel like a real human bean when you’re scarfing down instant mac in the reflected light of Keeping Up with the Kardashians re-runs. Eat some Brussel sprouts and pulled pork while you’re watching E! and you’ll feel halfway there.

3. If you like it then you shoulda put some mascara on it

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for the natural look. As my friends can attest, it’s a rare day when I even brush my hair. Even so, on days when I’m not necessarily ~feeling myself~ I’ll slap on some lipstick or mascara. Not cause I care about what others think, but because I care about what I think. You know how you always feel super attractive and powerful when you’re wearing matching bra and underwear? It’s kinda like that. Think of that lipstick or mascara as your battle armor, helping you go out there and face the day.

4. Develop an aesthetic

This is the easiest way to trick people to think you have your sh*t together. Develop an aesthetic, either for fashion, décor, or both, and stick with it! For example, one of my roommates absolutely slays with her polished grunge look. Literally she is goals, and if you look at here you think Wow that girl is fierce and put together. You would never guess that she eats microwavable burritos for a majority of her meals. When you develop a put-together and consistent look, it implies that you are a put-together and consistent human.


5. Go one day without spending any money

This is when it starts getting hard. I get it, it’s tough to make it to a 8am class without your morning latte. Buying lunch is so much easier than packing it. But hear me out- obviously it’s going to save you money, which is a bonus cause that means I can buy my dog another sweater. But also it helps you start thinking critically about what you do and do not need, which is going to be super helpful in the long run. Starting with one day (either a month or a week, up to you) lowers the stakes and helps you start on your way to being a RealPerson ®.

6. Get enough sleep

I can almost hear you roll your eyes from here. I know, you hear this all the time. But hear me out: Sleep is awesome. Well, that’s probably not news to you. But getting enough sleep allows your body to function the way it should, not as a sleep-deprived caffeine-fueled zombie person. Try getting work done in the morning, rather than late at night, cause let’s be real here- when you’re doing homework at 4am, is it really your best work anyways?

7. Open a credit card account

If you don’t have a credit card yet, you should really consider it. Many student cards exist out there specifically for people just like us! If you start building credit now, that means that when you’re on your own after graduation you already have a credit score. Banks, companies, literally everyone is far more likely to trust people with a credit score than the freshly birthed calf with no indication whether they’re going to pay back that loan or not. That being said, treat a credit card like a debit card and only buy things that you have the money for. Also pay your bills on time! If you do end up getting a card but destroy your credit, that’s kinda counterintuitive. If you don’t trust yourself with the card, you can even get a card and never use it- it’s still building your credit.

8. Make your own doctors appointments

Scariest thing on this list, easy. This is the young adult version of losing your mom in the grocery store- every college students worst nightmare. But like it or not, you’re going to have to do this eventually (unless you and your parents are really close) and you might as well start now. Plus, if you start doing it now, chances are you’re still covered by your parent’s insurance! That’s like free money! Except that money is medications and checkups!

9. Remove toxic people from your life

This is something that I’ve learned the hard way, as I’m sure everyone out there has. That friend that you always whisper oh god not her before you smile at, the f*ckboi that only gives you the time of day if that time happens to be after 11pm, the ex that treats you like something out of a Katy Perry song (I’m talking Hot n Cold, here). These people will mess you up emotionally, and you are better off surrounding yourself with people who love you and actually want to spend time with you (and you with them). This is something that is very difficult to do, but also so incredibly worth it.

10. Learn to be ok with being alone

Oooooooh…. Yeah I went there. Whether this means not feeling the need to jump into a relationship the second you get out of one, or not hitting up your crew with a “wyd” text every night, it’s not easy. Being alone is scary and difficult, 'cause you can’t distract yourself from any problems. And that’s terrifying. But if you do start being alone, you can start to tackle these problems because you can’t avoid them. Also, you allow yourself to really develop as a person- if you don’t like spending time with yourself, it can be assumed that others may not either.

Bippity Boppity Boo, bitch. You are now well on your way to being a RealPerson ®, or at least appear to be one. And in the end, that’s all that matters. Cause who’s ever really got it all together anyway? 


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