Every time Thanksgiving rolls around, we prepare to go home, see relatives, and have awkward conversations about our relationship status, school, and our futures. We also talk a lot about food because the origin story of the holiday is centered around a shared meal. However, when we have these talks, there are certain phrases we may use to describe our satisfaction with the meal that may actually have undertones of fat-shaming. There is a trigger-warning for those dealing with disordered eating.
“I have to starve myself ahead of this Thanksgiving”
It’s one of those colloquial exaggerations that has permeated into our conversations about things that should be discouraged according to society. But, really think about it for a minute. You think that you need to deprive yourself of food for days in order to “deserve” a good, fulfilling meal? No, no one needs to do that. Each day, our bodies need a certain minimum amount of food. There’s no relationship between limiting your food intake the day before a meal and the day of that meal. I understand that for some, the phrase may just be said in passing to indicate you plan on eating a multi-course meal. But, we need to understand that there are people who rationalize their eating habits based on this thinking every day, not just on Thanksgiving or Christmas, because they have more complicated relationships with food than you do. For those people, this phrase validates the thoughts saying restrictions like minimal eating are acceptable and food is something that must be earned. Because we do not know who may be struggling in this way, avoid saying this phrase especially around Thanksgiving.
“Really? A second helping of pie, honey?”
Yes, Barb, I am going to have a second helping of pie. It happens to be my sister’s specialty and we are rarely in the same place long enough for her to make it, so you bet I’m going to have a second piece with as much whipped cream as I want. It’s really unnecessary to comment on the amounts of food a person is eating at Thanksgiving. First, you do not know whether that person has their own eating schedule that is different from yours. Second, why do you need to monitor the food intake of others? We all know that at Thanksgiving, there are special dishes that each family might celebrate with. Because of these dishes may only be seasonal, we should value the times we get to eat them and not make others feel bad for taking more if they want.
“I’m going to have to throw up after this.”
Again, this phrase can be triggering for those who believe that throwing up after eating is an acceptable way to redeem themselves after eating a filling meal. Let your stomach work through the food you’ve just eaten whether it’s more than usual or less. Throwing up voluntarily after eating is a sign of a very unhealthy relationship with food and it should not be treated lightly by those who do not directly experience the compulsive need to purge after eating.
“You’re going to need to exercise for 5 hours just to work this off.”
When exercising, the primary goal should not be to work off the equivalent of whatever you’ve eaten that day. It should also not be in such extreme amounts. You may think that this is just another common exaggeration that does no harm. In actuality, this is another phrase that reinforces diet culture and encourages people to feel they need to compensate in some way for their eating. There are those who believe that constant exercise, even on injuries or to exhaustion, is a way to alleviate the shame they are conditioned to feel when eating. Treating this lightly is detrimental and should be avoided. We should be enjoying the food we get to eat at Thanksgiving, not worrying about how we’re going to make sure it has no “negative” effect on our bodies.
“My (insert New Age theory) diet starts immediately after this meal.”
Mentioning the need to go on a diet, intrusive or mild, after eating a big meal may just be a joke to some but diet culture is in no way a joke. Eating disorders, exacerbated by this culture we’ve created “have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness.” Joking about needing a diet after a large meal can be very triggering for people trying to recover. It is fat-shaming because it implies that any type of dieting is the solution to eating one big meal. Why do you automatically need to diet after indulging in your cravings? Dieting suggests that restrictions are the new normal compared to intuitive eating habits. This stems from a large myth in our society but often it is discussed most at holidays like Thanksgiving which are centered around communal eating.
I’ve heard these phrases throughout the years from relatives and friends and I’m sure my experiences are not unique to me. Our society has a problem with food and fat-shaming. If you’d like to read more about it I recommend The Beauty Myth by Naomi Watts or Body Positive Power by Megan Jayne Crabbe. If you or someone you know is personally struggling with their relationship with food please reach out to a professional, contact the National Eating Disorder Helpline at 1-800-931-2237, or learn more at https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org.
Images courtesy of: Giphy and NBC