My boyfriend and I have been dating for four years now, and we’ve only lived in the same city for about a quarter of our relationship. We go to different schools, but because I am a senior, I will soon be leaving my beloved Ann Arbor to become a real “grown up” and further my education. I’ve made the decision to find an apartment with my boyfriend. I’ve scoured the internet and sought advice from other couples to discover if I was ready and now I’m here to share what I’ve asked myself:
1. Have you discussed your finances?
This is the most obvious and arguably one of the most important questions regarding moving in with someone. You should each know what the other can afford, what the other is willing to pay, if you want to share groceries, if you want to opt for better cable, whose name the bills will be under—the list could continue. Make sure you are comfortable bringing these topics up with your partner before you make the decision to live together.
2. Are you comfortable around him/her?
We humans are gross creatures. We occasionally like to demolish a pizza while binge-watching “Friends” in sweatpants with stains and a shirt with holes. We fart (gasp!), we get cranky, and we have bodily functions that must be carried out. If you are not comfortable discussing how last night’s dinner destroyed your stomach, you probably will not be comfortable living with your partner just yet.
3. Have you talked about the possibility of a break-up?
Though right now it may seem impossible to happen, the reality is that relationships do not always work out. If you’re moving in with your partner, you should discuss what would happen in the event of a break-up—would you move in with your parents? Would you sub-let? There’s options out there, you just need to find what would work best for you and your partner before the unexpected happens.
4. Have you set ground rules?
Ground rules are incredibly important. You might be tempted to spend every waking moment with your partner, but the reality is, everyone needs alone time and everyone needs time with friends. Talk things through with your partner and decide what works best—how you plan to maintain a healthy relationship with both romance and the necessary amount of space. Realize that you will have to talk to your partner more than once about issues because anything can change at any moment. Check in semi-regularly.
5. Are you capable of sharing?
Even if you and partner are not planning on sharing everything—when it comes to sharing space there are things that you inevitably share such as the remote, dishware, decorations, and maybe your Netflix account. Make sure you and your partner are on the same page as to what you are each O.K. with sharing and what you each would like to keep to yourself.
6. Do you recognize your differences?
My boyfriend runs warm and I am perpetually freezing; my boyfriend prefers fresh vegetables and I love stir-fry; I’m a neat-freak and my boyfriend is more cluttered. Every pair has their differences, but you need to make sure you know some ways in which you and your partner differ before moving in with one another in order to stop some problems before they come into fruition. It’s alright to disagree, but it’s not alright to disregard your partner’s opinions simply because they are different from your own.
7. Have you talked to people you respect?
My boyfriend and I are both close with our families. We each wanted to discuss the possibility of moving in with each other with our parents and families to get their opinions because we respect them. Perhaps you trust an older sibling, friend, or an aunt, but you should discuss your plans with someone outside your relationship to gain insight aside from your own. Ultimately, it is your decision as a couple, but having support from those you love can come in handy down the road.
8. Have you discussed your future?
It doesn’t matter whether you never want to get married or whether you are ready to get married tomorrow. You and your significant other should discuss your desires and what you see in your future before moving in together.
Images courtesy of: Realtor.com