I had been doing theater since I was 4 years old and it was who I was. My dream when I was younger was to make it big and be an actress on Broadway. However, dreams change and passions waver, but theater was always a constant. It got me through moving, changing schools, and family issues. Later, in high school, I discovered the Broadway original cast album of the hit musical Hamilton: An American Musical. I really fell in love with every verse and every melody in the album. I could recite every word from every song and absolutely aced my 10th grade U.S. history class because of it.Â
I had a lot of outside issues that were really making being on stage hard and this unresolved sadness I couldn’t shake, so I decided to take a step back from theater come high school. Instead, I played sports and joined clubs, but it still felt like something was missing, that there was a hole where the theater once sat. I couldn’t find who I was. I tried so many different things but none of it ever really stuck. My high school music teacher would ask me constantly to do the musical that year. I was on the fence about it. I always thought, what if I hadn’t quit but I was too scared to figure it out. Then, I heard “My Shot” from Hamilton in my statistics class. It felt like a sign, like I needed to go back to where I felt like me and that I couldn’t throw away my shot. I auditioned and got the lead for the show. It was such an emotional experience being back on stage again. I remember closing night, I sobbed for hours to my music teacher thanking him for bringing me back into the spotlight when I was so surrounded by darkness.
As I went to college, I got swept up in a hurricane of work, relationships, and school work. I went through losing a family member and moving out of my house, I felt like I lost myself and I was right back in sophomore year of high school. I needed to figure out who I was as an adult, as a person. And sure enough, Hamilton comes back into my life. My school was selling discounted tickets to the Boston tour of the musical. I was texting my boyfriend that I was getting tickets like I was running out of time. When I sat in my seat, I thought I don’t want to know what person I am going to be after seeing this. And it was true. I didn’t know what old memories it would bring up. I left the show in tears and the biggest smile on my face. I felt like I regained a part of myself that I was waiting for. It called out to my inner child hidden backstage to come to the center.Â
Hamilton was the constant in my world turned upside down. It was a vessel for me to discover myself time and time again. Seeing this musical reminded me that I truly am the one thing in life that I can control and that the thoughts in my head and the trauma I had faced did not define me. That I am the one to write my own story. Most importantly, it reminded me to do the things I never thought I would do again and bring freedom to my inner child, when I’m given the chance.